Money Management for SSBM
by EvilTomato
Summary: Not only are they out of money, but an evil Mary Sue is plotting to take over, poor Marth just can't get a break, and can you say property damage? Chapter 12 up!
1. Chapter 1 Uh oooh

Author's Note!!!!!

Dark Warlord: Hello! Yeah.....some of you may not know me as ExtremelyEvilKitty. Due to technical difficulties (me forgetting to type the y in my e-mail address) it's taken me a while to log in. But now I figured it out!! Me so smart!!!

Evil Tomato: Her brother pointed it out.

DarkWarlord:......................................................................................................ANYWAY, I am now known as Dark Warlord1992, but I shall probably definately continue to review under ExtremelyEvilKitty. My brother helped me out, so I have to let him post stories under my name. So if any suck, they're his.This one's mine,

though.

Readers: 0o......(get up to leave)

DarkWarlord: Nooooooooooooo!! Don't leeeeeeave!! I read my story to someone, and she said it was good!

Readers: (stay)

Dark Warlord: Of course, it was my mom.....

Readers: (leave)

Dark Warlord: Well, this sucks. On to the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: DarkWarLord1992 owns nothing but her sanity.

Dark Warlord: The world will be mine...ATTACK, my pretties, ATTACK!!!Go forth, and demolish

everything!!!

Evil Tomato: How? We don't have legs....

Dark Warlord: Just hop to it!!! Hehe heh...me funny...

..........actually, she owns nothing.

Money Management Chappie 1: Uhoh....

As we ALL know, the Smashers live in their Super Smash Brothers Mansion. There they live in the sort of luxury that makes us hate our pathetic little lives...Their tournaments draw millions, their hobbies cause property damage, and we love them anyway. Much of that is about to end, except for the us loving them and them causing property damage parts. In fact, it's scary how obsessed some people are. Anyway....

In the Millenium Mall, which is owned by the evil Yu-Gi-Oh Corporation...

"Is it ready?"

A scientist replied,"Yes, Mr Kaiba. The strongest card ever, one that, when used in a duel, could destroy the entire world."

Seto Kaiba smiled evilly. "Good...I will finally beat Yugi..."

But do we care about that? No. In some other part of the Millenium Mall, Peach, Zelda and Samus were shopping with their Platinum Master cards. (A.N. I do not own any Platinum Master cards, though I wish I did....)

"Oooh, there's a sale on diamond-studded diamonds!" Peach gushed.

Zelda shook her head. Diamond-studded diamonds? Why not just buy one BIG diamond and quit wasting people's time?

"Puh-lease.." Samus grumbled."This is a waste of time." _Even if they ARE shiny._ Samus gazed longingly at the store across from them. The place was aptly titled 'Weapons Galore: For Blowing Stuff Up And More!' and sold everything from shotguns to Korea's weapons of mass destruction. Samus drooled and stared at the titanium-plated blaster missiles in the window.

Her explosive fantasies were shattered as violently as the the stuff happening in them when Peach shrieked,"**CANCELLED?!?! **That's Platinum, for Christ's sake!!!"

The clerk continued to calmly clip his toenails. " It's been cancelled. Unless you have $7,999.99 plus tax, I'm afraid you can't make a puchase, sir...I mean, ma'am..."

"Here, Peach, use mine." Zelda kindly offered.

"This is cancelled as well." The clerk tossed it back and started to pluck the hair from his left nostril.

"WHAT THE !!!"

Peach and Samus stared at Zelda, who blushed.

Samus was now worried about her own card. "Could you check my card?"

The clerk, now plucking the hair from his right nostril, replied,"We don't offer that service here." in a bored tone. Then he found himself face to face with Samus's blaster. "Uh...but I can make an exception for you if you want me to, sir." He said quickly.

"Sir!? SIR!?! Do I _look _like a sir to you!?!?" Samus yelled.

"Uhhh...." Samus was wearing her Chozo suit to the mall.

"Forget it." Samus snapped. Their credit cards were rendered to useless bits of plastic, so they had to return to the insanity that was their home.

_In the Smash Mansion....._

Master Hand was surrounded by twenty-six Smashers, all clamoring for cash.

"Back off! Shut up, I said SHUT UP!! Gah, there's no money left!"

That shut them up.

" You guys spent all of the money. So if you want money, you have to get jobs."

"Pi pike, chu chu pika cha?(Translation: Can't we hold a tournament?)"

"Whatever you said,Pikachu, yeah, you do that." Master Hand sighed, somehow.

"Pika!" He was a mouse on a mission now.He would organize a tournament and save everyone from debt. Everyone would love him, not just because he made a good teddybear, but because he saved them. Pikachu tried to imagine what sort of cheer the cheerleaders would make about him.

Mewtwo floated past Pikachu, who was jumping up and down like he was a cheerleader. _Foolish mouse, _Mewtwo thought contemptuously. _Now what to do about money...Nobel Peace Prize? That's a start...._

"Okay, jobs won't be that hard to find. I've already found one for myself." Master Hand said in what he clearly thought was an encouraging voice.

"What job did you get?" squeaked Kirby.

Master Hand sniffed (how he did, I don't know because he has no nose. He doesn't even have a mouth. How can he breathe? Wait, does he need to breathe? He's a glove. Is there a hand inside him, or is he just rubber? AARRG!) "It is a job of great importance that requires skill and charisma.

_The Next Day:_

Master Hand floated behind a cash register,"Welcome to McDonald's! What can I get you?" A little kid started to cry.

_End Chapter 1 $#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$##$#$#$#_

_DarkWarLord1992: _So......whaddya think? Just so you know, this is my first story. I type slowly, so it'll be a while before I update. Please review. Yadda yadda, oh and flames shall be used to keep my butt warm while I type.

_Next chapter: The theft of a candy store will leave police stumped, and Link gets attacked by rabid fangirls._


	2. Chappie 2 Grubby, Thieving Little Hands

Chappie 2: Grubby, Thieving Little Hands

Dark Warlord1992: Hello... --

Evil Tomato: You're in a good mood. ( , )

DarkWarlord: (kicks tomato) Now I am!

Evil Tomato: I hate you so much....

DarkWarlord: Welcome to the second chapter of my first ever story!

Audience: (bored) Yaaay....

DarkWarlord: Sooooooo....anyone like my fic so far? Any comments are welcome as long as they keep away the doubt-bringers...

Doubt-bringers: (think Ringwraiths from LOTR) They detessst your story....you cannot write, why do you posst your work....the readers detessst you to the very coressss of their beingsss...

DarkWarlord: WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO!?!?

Doubt-bringers: (pause) That'sss a good quessstion....maybe it isss becausse darkwarlord1992 ownssss NOTHING!! The charactersss all belong to Nintendo....

DarkWarlord: Let's move onto the story already.

Doubt-bringers: And you readerssssss!! Sssitting in your chairss staring at a computer ssscreen! HAVE YOU SSSSLUGSS NO LI-

10101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101

Grubby,Theiving Little Hands Chapter2

Kirby glanced at the store as he pulled a sock with holes cut in it over his head. "Are you sure we should do this?"

"Puff jigglypuff jig!" Some pink, ball-like thing with a ski mask on over it's face replied. (I wonder who that is....)

"Kirby, just remember that I masterminded this scheme. It's foolproof. Feel better?" Ness cut in. He was wearing a Batman costume for his disguise.

"No....I feel worse."

"Soooooo...what am I s'posed to do again?"

Ness rolled his eyes. His genius was sooo unappreciated. " You throw the bomb into the store, Jigglypuff pounds the cash-register-person-thing, Kirby sucks up a ton of candy WITHOUT eating it, we run away and we're home-free."

" What about the drool?"

"Jig puff."

" The candy has WRAPPERS, stupid."

Jig puff."

"I'm not stupid! You are!" Young Link yelled back. He ignored Jigglypuff, partly because he didn't know what she said, and furthermore, he didn't care.

"I'm a child prodigy! I'm the leader! You do what I say!"

"No way, Mr. BigHead!!"

"Jig puff jiggly!"

"You're a stinky doodoohead!!" Apparently child prodigies aren't above calling people stinky doodooheads.

"PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFF!!!!!!!" Jigglypuff's yell (and her furious fists of....fury) stopped Young Link and Ness in their tracks.

"Ahem...Puuff." Jigglypuff pointed to the store, with a word that sounded remarkably like 'duh.'

"Oh...right."

Young Link, Ness, Jigglypuff, Kirby and the Ice Climbers were standing outside a candystore. Young Link, Ness and the Ice Climbers were too young for jobs, so, what can you do, aside from pretending you're a midget? Kirby and Jigglypuff were puffballs, so that was sort of obvious.

Young Link tossed a bomb into the store. The sales clerk freaked and ran from the store screaming about how the artichokes had finally come to get her. Jigglypuff hesitated before she ran into the store; she was disappointed that the clerk had run away before she could punch her. Kirby dashed in to suck up as much candy as he could. The Ice Climbers (wearing a two-person horse costume) noticed the cash register. Popo tried to open it, but the dang thing wouldn't open.

"Moof!" Nana's voice was muffled by the costume.

"Waf?"

"Moof!"

Waf?"

"Mo-fofet it!" Nana pushed Popo out of the way and smashed the cash register with her hammer.

Ness was waiting outside for them. "Hurry!" he said shrilly.

They ran away as quickly as you can when you are either stuffed to twice your normal size with candy, or you are in a horse costume and have to carry fifty dollars in ones beneath your parka on a hot day. Ness was no help.

"C'MON!"

"You're no help!"

They finally reached the mansion. Everything was strangely quiet there. Well, it wasn't exactly quiet, they heard the tv blaring from the living room, and Crazy Hand was floating through the rooms shouting things like "L'ANANAS!" But there weren't any explosions coming from the bathroom, and Roy wasn't there to shove Link into a closet with Navi, so there weren't any screams echoing through the halls. The plague known as employment had invaded their home, and the Smashers who normally made their lives insane and interesting were victims. Mewtwo silently floated past them, pausing to watch them guiltily try to sneak in unnoticed.

"L'ANANAS!!" Crazy Hand shrieked.

_What's he saying?_ Popo wondered.

" It's French for pineapple." Mewtwo informed him. Popo jumped. He had forgotten that Mewtwo could read minds.

_I wish Link was here. Then I could bug him about liking Zelda. It's too quiet with just Mewtwo here. He's boring._ Young Link thought.

"I can be entertaining, too." Mewtwo responded huffily.

"Suuure."

"Hmmph!" Mewtwo floated higher and moonwalked across the room. " Can anyone else do that?Or this?" He flipped onto his head and, upside down, floated out of the room. "You might want to check the news soon."

"Huh?" They all scrambled into the living room, where Fox was already reclining on the ridiculously big couch in front of the big screen tv.

"Hey, Fox, you know Master Hand placed a restriction-thing on the amount of tv we can watch." Ness said in an 'I'm-gonna-tell-on-yooooou' voice.

"He's at work." Fox shrugged. "What he doesn't know won't hurt 'im."

"What about Crazy Hand?" They all turned to watch as Crazy Hand floated, twitching, towards the wall, slammed into it, and fell to the ground and rolled around on the floor.

"What about him?" Fox started flipping through the channels.

"..................Nevermind. We wanna see what's on the news."

" Kay. Here's the remote. I'm gonna get somethin' to eat." He left the room.

Jigglypuff turned it to the news channel, a channel specifically devoted to news. A newscaster sat behind a table.

"and that's why you should NEVER work for a modeling agency that wants you to pose as a werewolf." She replastered a Barbie-doll smile on her face. "This just in from our star reporter...uh..." She gave a nervous smile.".....This just in: a candy store was robbed recently. Here we have some video footage." While the video plays, she continued to narrarate. " The suspectes are believed to be Batman, two fat, puffy, pink midgets, and a hammer-wielding horse. Batman has already been apprehended." The news cut to a mug shot of Batman.

"Police are stumped as to the identity of the other suspects. They were going to call in star detective Jimmy Kudo, but his whereabouts are currently unknown..."

Jigglypuff turned off the tv. The smallest Smashers turned to stare at eachother, mouths open.

_Elsewhere..._

"No!" cried Marth. "I won't do it!It is demeaning and horrible!"

"Chill, Marth. We just pose for a few photos, fangirls go crazy and buy them, and we get rich again!" '_It's so nice to be adored by girls everywhere...'_

"They're making me wear **canary yellow**!! Aren't fashion ads supposed to have fashion sense!?" Marth began to hyperventilate.

"Get a grip on yourself!" the redhead smacked him on the back of the head with the flat of his blade. They walked over to where the guy with the camera was standing.

"Alright, poses!" shoughted the guy.

Marth pulled his face into a sexy pout, and Roy did his fighter's stance.

"Yeah, just like that! You're a tiger! Now you're a rabid werewolf!" shouted the camera guy.

_'Roy, I'm going to kill you!'_ Marth thought as he tried to look like a rabid werewolf.

_A Large sign above an electronic store: Game Signing! Link and Princess Zelda signing copies of Legend of Zelda series! Only 5$ per signature!_

"This isn't so bad..." Link said."Sure, my ass went numb three hours ago, and my hand hurts, and that snot-nosed little brat keeps trying to take my hat, but it could be worse."

As he finished this statement, a large mob of rabid fangirls rushed into the store, ravenously looking for prey.

"Oh.MY.GAWD! It's LINK!!" One screeched shrilly.They all swarmed around him like killer bees, and dragged him away.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo" He paused for breath. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Well, that's the end of chapter two. Jeez....it's late, AND it's a school night. I'll try to have chappie three up quickly.


	3. Chappie 3 Car Touble, and Fox and Falco ...

darkwarlord1992: Welcome to my fanfic, you wonderful people-demons-wizards....reviewers.

I regret to inform you that certain circumstances, ie my mom deciding to get the hardwood floors refurbished or whatever the hell it's called, my fanfics aren't going to be updated as quickly.

Evil Tomato: So, stories will take forever to get updated.

darkwarlord1992: I mean, what the heck was she thinking!?! School's started and I'm in highschool, so I get lots and lots of accursed homework, and plus we have to move the furniture around and stir up lotsa dust so I've spent the past two days with next to no oxygen, and _HACK GAG COUGH _Oh god... I coughed up a lungs...._disgusting gurgly noise_ Lassie, get _hack_ help....

Lassie: .....Rowf?

Evil Tomato: Eeeeew...that looks nasty....We'd better wrap this up to avoid raising the rating....

Diclaimer Voice Thing: darkwarlord1992 owns nothing but reeeeeeeally bad allergies....ewww....did she just sneeze when her **lung** is on the ground?

(Due to technical problems, there shall be no cool symbol-border-thing)

Car Trouble and Falco got Fired!

"You are-a welcome-a, ma'am-a! Call-a the-a Mario Bros. for all your-a future plumbing-a needs!" Mario quickly ran down to his car, then he stopped. He was currently covered in crap, and soaked to the bone with who-would-even-**want**-to-know-what. Did he want his beautiful, shiny red sports car covered with the unthinkable that he did not want to think about? No. And if you were sane, you wouldn't want your car covered with-

_'NO! Nooo thinking about what you're covered from-a head to-a toe with-a. No. Betta yet-a, don't think-a at all. Especially not about the...' _Short story even shorter, he thought it.

Hence the short Italian plumber completely panicking and running around in circles, causing a goopy goop of something to slide from his hat to his forehead. Mario froze. He glanced at his gloved hands. Covered with filth. Then, he glanced at Peach's hanky inside his car, lit by a soft, glowing light that practically screamed, " Wipe that filth on your forehead that is even now sliding towards your eyes away with me!" But, and this is a big BUT, the hanky was inside the car. Inside the spotless, shining, red sports car with the pretty white M on the hood that he had to take good care of until he could afford another one. And who knows how long that would take, what with his current job.

Point is, there's a gob of something nastly sliding towards his eyes and mouth, and the thing to wipe it away with is inside the car that he doesn't want to get that nasty stuff on. Then, a long-delayed stroke of genius struck like Pikachu's thunderbolt. He could remove his glove, open the door, grab Peach's hanky, wipe off the......stuff, and then....do something.

He stared at his gloved hand. He slowly grabbed the glove with his other filthy gloved hand, closed his eyes.....and pulled it off. Breathing a sigh of relief for some weird reason, he opened the car door, grabbed the hanky, and wiped off the stuff. He grinned triumphantly.

Then something wiped the smirk off his face like he had just wiped off that....stuff.

**FlaaaaaaashBack Time!!!**

_"Mario, I'm going to leave my hanky in your car."_

_"Kay-a."_

_"You know, the hanky that is a centuries old heirloom?"_

_"Uh-huh."_

_"The one my great-great grandma wiped her snot off with?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"The one I would be DEVASTATED if I lost."_

_"Okey-dokey-a."_

_"Did you even hear what I said?"_

_"Of course I did, Peach."_

_"What did I say then?"_

**End Flashback**

"Oh-"

"SHIP!!"

"What?!"

"I wannabe the captain of a ship!!!"

"Listen, you can't be the captain of a ship. At least not now."

"But I waaaaaannna!!" whined Young Link.

"Alright, alright..." It had been one day since Link had been swept up by a pack of rabid fangirls. He was lucky. He was only entirely covered with a cast. Link had been found at the side of a road in Indiana, completely naked with a lot of broken bones, but he was alive.

"I can't help you, sooo..." Cue lightbulb. Link called in a nurse, who giggled nervously when she saw Link. She was definately a fan of his. How do I know this? I can tell from the way she acts around him, the way she always came when he called....oh, and the 'I Heart Link' t-shirt she had on over her uniform. Link whispered something in her ear, and she giggled in that girly-fangirl way. She led Young Link to another room, went into a hall, then down that hall into another room, then through that room into a hall, down the corrider, turned left, and told him to wait in a room. Young Link, eager to get his boat, waited. The nurse-lady gigged and left. Young Link waited. And waited. And waited some more. Then, after enduring an entire two minutes alone in the room, he started to sing.

"Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Batmobile, lost a wheel, and Joker does ballet, HEY!" After this, he was bored again, so he walked out of the room into a corrider.

_"It's freaky, how the hallways are white and they all look soooo...similar."_ Young Link wandered down the hallway, then stopped. His senses, sharp from years of solving puzzles, defeating dungeons, and playing pranks on Ganondorf, told him there was something behind him. He whirled around. _'Nothing.'_ He continued to wander through the halls.

Samus and Captain Falcon slowly stalked their prey. This guy could solve their problems. He had a 60 billion double-dollar bounty on his head. That had to be worth **something.** Samus slowly charged her blaster. Dead or alive, he was still worth a lot of money, enough to make them richer than they had ever been. She slowly took aim at the man in the red coat. She had to make this count. He had a bounty on his head for a reason. Then Captain Falcon dashed past her.

"Falcon....PUNCH!!!"

"YOU IDIOT!!"

Captain Falcon missed and flew into Samus. The blonde guy they had been stalking shrieked and ran like hell, but not before he snatched the donuts left on the table that was in the middle of a street for some reason.

Captain Falcon grinned apologetically at Samus. He was currently sitting on top of her. The fact that she was wearing her chozo suit didn't matter to Samus. Captain Falcon was now grinning apologetically at her blaster.

"Oh, shut up Falco."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, you owe me fifty bucks.

"Shut up. It's Old Maid, not poker."

"No, you bet me fifty bucks that you could beat me. I won. Pay up."

".......No."

"Twenty-five bucks then."

"Hell no."

Fox and Falco were sitting in a little hut thing just inside the gates of a big mansion owned by a paranoid, but rich, guy. There was nothing to do but wear the police hats and play cards.

"None of this crap fox, gimme my money!"

They started to punch and kick eachother. Falco gave Fox a black eye, and Fox kicked Falco in the gut. And they both headbutted eachother, resulting in them both getting dizzy and stopping for a second before they resumed the fight.

While they were fighting, a dark figure skulked by, unnoticed. He carried a sharp, shiny object. He moved stealthily towards the mansion.

A scream ripped through the air, one that raises the hair on the back of your neck and causes your blood to chill.

"I said I was sorry..."

Fox clutched his tail and sniffed. "You bit my tail." A tear fell down his cheek."You hurt my pwetty fluffy wuffy tail...." Ookaaaaaaaaaaay.............

Remember the paranoid but rich guy I mentioned earlier? Apparently he had a good reason to be paranoid. As of now, he's dead. And Fox and Falco are unemployed.

_Somewhere far away..._

In some dark shadowy lair that villains like....

"We need to send someone who can infiltrate their mansion, without giving away our goal."

"I have a plan...."

(Once again, no cool border-thing, dangit!)

darkwarlord1992: Soooooo...whaddya think? Love it? Hate it? Somewhere in between? Hey, my lung's inside again!!

Evil Tomato: We stuck it back in when you were distracted.

darkwarlord1992: sniff Waah...wahh..**AAACHTOOO!!!!** sniff dabbit....I hate allergies...


	4. Who Left the Trash Out?

DarkWarLord: Weeeeeelcome to the fourth chappie!! I'm starting to get the hang of this author stuff. Plus I've gotten REVIEWS!!!Oh, and I made it so that I can now accept anonymous reviews. Dang button...I swear, that thing is evile....

Steve the Evil Tomato: She owns nothing. Except the word evile, cause she made that herself.

DarkWarLord: It's evil AND vile!

Steve: I see you've finally given me a name.

DarkWarLord: Yeeeeeeup!- Moving on, I'd like to thank those who reviewed! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, and everyone who wanted to review but couldn't due to the 'No Anonymous Reviews' thing, because it's the thought that counts.

Steve: Until her birthday. Then it's the loot that counts.

DarkWarLord: Right you are!! (hugs Steve)

Audience: oO....barfs

Oh,IwishIhadacoolbordertoputherebutIdon'tsomoveonwithyourlivesbeforeIscreamforicecream

Chappie 4: Who Left The Trash Out?

Master Hand was not having a good day. First, he overslept and didn't get to McDonalds in time for work. Then there was that little brat who wouldn't stop asking him if he was just a glove, or if there was a hand beneath that glove. (AN I paid the kid FIVE BUCKS, and he **still** didn't get an answer from him....) That was followed by a phone call from Crazy Hand, who did nothing but laugh evilly until Master Hand slammed the phone down, breaking the phone, the wall, and the manager's car. More things to pay for.

And now this.

".......And hold the onions. Now some extra ketchup would be nice, but make sure there is an equal amount of mustard to balance it out. I want exactly two and a half leaves of lettuce on my Whopper. Dash the meat **lightly** with pepper. Now about my fries..."

If he had a forehead, Master Hand would lean it on his.....hand....and groan with frustration. But he didn't have one, so he settled on tossing the annoying offender into the dumpster. The manager saw this and admonished Master Hand for tossing a customer into the dumpster before he paid. Then there was another phone call, this time from Zelda.She was told him Link was back from the hospital.

_'Thank you sooo much, Zelda, for reminding me about the hospital bills.' _Insurance wasn't even going to cover it since there was a rabid fangirl clause at the bottom of the page. He turned around, and saw a long line of people at the register, most of them with bratty kids. Wonderful.

_At the Mansion..._

"No officer, I haven't seen any hammer-wielding horses or swollen midgets lately. Yes, I'm sure. You're welcome. Goodbye." Peach shook her head as she hung up the phone. "I bet that police officer is on something. Why would a horse and two swollen midgets rob a candy store?"

"Pika chu pi?"

"......Mewtwo?"

Mewtwo didn't even look up from his book,"Do you have any rope?"

"Oh. Uh, no, I don't. Sorry Pikachu."

"Pi..."

"But I think Wonder Woman does."

"Cha!" Pikachu raced to the kitchen and picked up the phone book. He found a number under 'W' and dialed it. He waited while the phone on the other end rang.

In the Justice League Satellite, Wonder Woman picked up the phone. "Hello?" Then a thought struck her like a punch from a bad guy._ 'Why do we have a phone up here? How could calls even get to us? It's not like we have some really long phone line...' _She looked out the window. A really, reeeeeeeeeally long phone line stretched from the satellite to Earth._ 'How come I didn't notice that earlier?'_

"PIKA PI CHU PI!!!!" Pikachu yelled that sentence for the fifth time

".......Do I know you?" Wonder Woman was still a bit weirded out that she had never known about the phone.

"Pika pi pika pi cha chu."

"...............I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're saying." She hung up.

Back at the mansion, Pikachu also hung up the phone. The Justice League had failed him. He was on his own.

"What?!"

"Shut up! They'll hear you!" Ness lowered his voice."I heard Peach talking about it. The police are still searching for us!"

"So we'll have to lie low for a while. No getting into trouble, no calling attention to ourselves." It was a drastic measure, since they all loved attention.

"**NESS! NANA! POPO! KIRBY! WHERE ARE YOU!?!" **yelled Zelda.

"So much for laying low..."

"Have you guys seen Young Link?"

"Not since yesterday." answered Popo.

"When he went to see Link in the hospital."

".....**LIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!!!"** Zelda whirled around and stomped into the living room. Well, she didn't actually stomp, since that would be suicide in high heels. But she was mad. Very mad. So mad, the sheer madness of it all is maddening.Link looked up from the interrogation of Batman on the tv, saw Zelda not-stomping-but-still-walking-like-people-walk-when-they-are-mad, and tried to run away. Trying to run when a cast is covering your entire body is not a good idea. **Clomp clomp clomp trip WHUUMP!!!**

**"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!"**

"Serves you right. Now where is Young Link?"

"Ummm...inthehospitalwanderingaroundcompletelylost." Link said the words as quickly as possible.

"WHAT?!?!"

"Relax, Zelda, it's a hospital. He'll be fine."

_In the hospital..._

Young Link ran screaming down a hallway, closely followed by a group of crazy, homocidal doctors waving Barbie dolls above their heads.

_Back at the mansion..._

"I guess you're right..." Link sighed with relief when Zelda said this and tried to get up from the floor.

"Oowowowowowowowowowowowowwwieeeee..." Link gave up and remained where he was.

"...But I'm still sending someone over there to get him."

"Not you."

Link smiled from his spot on the floor. Zelda turned towards the newly unemployed Fox and Falco. She 'persuaded' them to get Young Link.

_Right outside..._

Master Hand grumpily crawled out of his car. His bad day took a turn for the worse when he almost got a ticket for speeding. The giant hand avoided it by throwing the officer into a nearby tree. Just as he was about to float into the house and use the lazers he could shoot from his fingertips to fry the nearest living thing, Fox and Falco dashed past him. Smiling (A.N...........shakes head) evilly, he aimed at Fox's precious tail. The ensuing screech did nothing to make him feel better, it just gave him a headache.

As the two raced into their Arwings yelling something about him being even more evil than Zelda, Master Hand tried to shake his head, but couldn't. This puzzled him for a second.

_'Oh...I don't have a head....'_ Master Hand spent two minutes trying to slap himself, then he gave up. But, as he did so, out of the corner of his eye-you know what, I give up. Why the heck do I continue to try to give a freaking HAND expressions!?! Why! Why must he be a hand? Why not Master Face?! AUUUUUUUGH!!!

_We go to a view of the authoress slamming her head against a wall. We see someone running up to her with a can of Sprite. The authoress stops hitting her head and watches the Sprite like a frog watches a fly. She grabs it and snarls at the person, who immediately backs off. She chugs it down._

Life-giving soda...Ahem, now where was I? Oh, right. Out of the corner of his non-existent eye Master Hand saw the trash can by the curb. The duty someone had neglected.

**_'THAT DOES IT.' _**Master Hand thought. In a rage, he crashed through the door.

**"WHO LEFT THE TRASH OUT?!?!?!?!"** The enraged hand screamed.

Mouths open, the Smashers looked at him.The Ice Climbers poked their heads around a door. Bowser lumbered down to see who was doing the shouting. Mr. Game & Watch turned his paper-thin body sideways so he could hide.

Several people asked, "Who? Who? Who? Who?"

"**WHO LEFT THE TRASH OUT!?!?!?" **Master Hand shrieked.

Roy jumped up and turned on the stereo. "Who! Who! Who! Who!" he sang.

"WHO LEFT THE TRASH OUT!?!?" Master Hand insisted again.

"WHO!? WHO!? WHO!? WHO!?" the Smashers roared.

"WHO LEFT THE TRASH OUT!!!" Master Hand started to sing.

Zelda transformed into Shiek and started to breakdance. Kirby, Jigglypuff, Ness, Popo and Nana did the wave. Even Link (still on the floor --;) started to bop his head to the music. Bowser and Donkey Kong started to do the macarena, the only dance move they knew. Ganondorf just stared at them all before discreetly going to look at the job chart. '_Oops_.' He glanced at the dancing Smashers, and carefully took down the chart.

_In the dark lair of our unknown antagonists from the last chapter..._

The antagonists stared at the screen. They were somehow able to view the activities of the Smashers on it. From the speakers, you could hear "WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO!"

Antagonists::: oO;;;;;;;;;;;;

EnDoFcHaPtEr

DarkWarLord: You have now reached the end of my pre-written chapters. Ya know what this means?

Steve the Evil Tomato: It means she actually has to WORK from now on.

DarkWarLord: Don't make me poke you....

Steve: Poke me, and I shall make all of the other tomatoes go on strike.

DarkWarLord: You wouldn't dare...

Steve: I would. (leaves)

DarkWarLord: My muse... ;-; He...ABANDONED MEEEEEEE!!!!! (sobs) W-well?! What the heck are you w-aiting f-for? REVIEW BEFORE I POKE YOU!! (halfheartedly waves Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain) (sobs) T-T My muse...


	5. Everyone's Gone Bananas!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Hello...(peeks around corner) Um...yeah. I've encountered.... problems. (hides under table) I hired a new army after Steve the Evil Tomato left. Heh...

SquishyandWrathfulJellyfishofWrath: Hello? Where are you, boss? (getting...wrathful) HELLO!

SecondJellyfish: Find her yet?

FirstJellyfish: (curses) We're supposed to do the disclaimer! How can we do the disclaimer if the person who owns NOTHING isn't here!?!

ThirdJellyfish: Hey, there's a bunch of lawyers camped out on the lawn. Wanna help me sting them knowing they can't sue because we are an endangered species?

FirstJellyfsh: Of course! I'm really wrathful right now. I can't find our boss. I'm so wrathful, I'm gonna find her and sting her until she looks like a tomato.

DarkWarLord: (mouths 'HELP!')

**Chappie 5: Everyone's Gone Bananas!**

Bowser slowly stumbled down the stairs. What time was it? He checked his wrist like they did in cartoons. For two minutes he stared at his wrist, waiting for it to magically tell him the time. It didn't. He looked at the big clock on the other side of the room. _8:29A.M._ Bowser stared at it in horror. What was he doing **awake**, let alone out of bed?! Bowser's first thought was that he should go straight back to bed. But he was almost on the first floor, and his bedroom was on the fourth. If he was to go back to sleep, he would require food and beer.

'_To the kitchen!'_ his sleepy mind declared.

In the kitchen, Mr. Game&Watch was frying sausages. The smell tantalized and taunted Bowser's nose. Unable to resist the aroma, he reached for the biggest, fattest, juiciest sausage.

**WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! **

Bowser glared at Mr. Game&Watch. Mr. G&W (which is what he shall now be referred to, because I said so!) beeped and waved his spatula threateningly. Bowser, his hand-claws still stinging, backed off. His red eyes fell on the others who happened to be in the kitchen as well. Mewtwo was telepathically removing the orange juice form the fridge. Pikachu was munching on an apple and working on a poorly drawn blueprint. Pichu was trying to recharge the batteries for his GameBoyAdvanceSP. The youngest Smashers (excluding Young Link) were eating Choco-Covered Sugar Munchies while waiting for the sausage.

Mewtwo drank his orange juice and read the label of the cereal. _' Sugar, chocolate, cocoa, fructose, sucrose, lactose, gluclose, corn meal, artificial sugar, brown sugar, wheat, food coloring. They'll be hyper today.'_ A deliciously eeeevil thought struck Mewtwo. He had already disrupted Bowser's sleeping patterns out of boredom, why not see to it that Bowser would have a horrible day to go with it?

"Bowser..."

"What?" the hungry turtle growled.

"Master Hand has been pressuring you to get a job as of late, has he not?"

Bowser rubbed his forehead with a clawed hand. Of course he had.

"Why don't you babysit the children? They require supervision, and Master Hand wouldn't ask you to get a job if he knew you were busy keeping them out of trouble."

"Hell no."

"Fine then. If you think yourself incapable of frightening a few **children** into submission, I-"

The ploy worked. "I'll do it." _'How hard could it be?'_

Later that day, Bowser was found tied up and gagged in a closet.

_At the nearby grocery store..._

DK moved a heavy crate into the store. The manager was one of those managers who acted like their job was the epitome of success.(A.N. I like that word. Ignore me while I repeat it. Epitome. Epitome. Epitome.) "Open the crate now, rookie."

DK opened the crate as easily as I could eat a cookie. Mmm...I like cookies. Especially ones that juuuuuuust came out of the oven, and are gooey and-oh, am I making you hungry? I'll go back to the story. DK opened the crate, and his eyes widened.

"That concludes our documentary on 'Cheese: An American Dream.' We will now go to our

reporter on the field Yore Mamae. He is currently at the scene of an unusual occurence. By which I mean he ACTUALLY has a story! Congratulations, Yore!" She started to clap while the other people in the newsstation shuffled their feet awkwardly.

"Thank you Reporter Barbie. Oh, just out of curiosity, how many producers did you do to get this job?"

"Not nearly as many as you, Yore."

"Enjoy hell, Barbie."

"After you, Yore."

"I heard from a local source _coughIactuallyworkcough_ that an ape was unloading fruit and suddenly went bananas!" Crickets chirped.

"This is why you'll never get promoted Yore."

"Up yours, Barbie. Police are now attempting to calm the ape and negotiate for the release of the bananas. And-THERE'S SOMETHING HAPPENING!!"

DK ran out of the grocery store with an armload of bananas. He tried to climb the building, but his arms were full. So he did the sensible thing and started to eat the bananas.

A group of living bananas stood anxiously in the crowd. Sickened, they turned away as DK ate their friends and family members. One couldn't stand it anymore and attacked DK. DK ate him. Well, what would you do if a banana attacked you? The crowd was horrified.

One cop was puzzled. "What is wrong with you people? They're **bananas!**"

Everyone gasped. The chief of police walked up to him and slapped him. The slapped officer immediately ate his words with soy sauce. "Let's save those bananas!!"

DK watched this with interest while eating the bananas. But then there was only one left. Duun dun duuuuuuunh! DK didn't feel like eating it in front of these horrible banana-snatchers, so he started to climb up the side of the building. The banana in his hand screamed.

"Oh. My. Gawd!" whispered Reporter Barbie.

"Uh, Barbie?"

"What?"

"Since when is a **grocery stores** twenty stories high?"

The police swarmed frantically around the building. They were lost. They didn't know what to do. Then help arrived when a green car pulled up. "Someone-a called-a for help-a?" a voice with an Italian accent spoke coolly. The police frantically nodded.

Luigi turned on his Poltergust3000 and sucked up the bananas in the crowd.

"What the hell are you doing?!?!"

"The bananas are-a possessed." Luigi looked at the topof the building.His sunglasses did that cool flash-thing. "And-a there's a one left." He dashed into the store.

The elevator was on the other side of the store. And this was the produce aisle. He took a meatball from his pocket and threw it across the room. It hit the "Up" button. Luigi grabbed two machine guns and ran through the store firing at fruit and vegetables. The elevator door opened, and Luigi dived in slow-motion while firing the guns. He slammed the '20th floor' button, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Almost-a didn't make it-a." Elevato music started to play, and Luigi hummed along to it. Do-do-do-dododo-dah-dah-do-do-dodo-dun,dun,dun,dunanun....

The elevator stopped. Luigi looked up from his pretty pony coloring book. The doors opened, and Luigi ran out while letting out his angry warcry.

DK stopped picking at his teeth. A banana peel was on the ground.

"DK! You did it-a!! There are-a no more-a possessed bananas! You should-a consider-a being-a my sidekiAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

There is a lesson to this. Never ask an ape to be your sidekick, or else you'll get thrown off a building.

_In the hospital..._

"Where is Young Link?! We've been searching for hours! I'm tiiiiiiiired..." whined Falco.

"I dunno! I dunno! I dunno! HasitreallybeenTHATlong? Huhhuhhuhhasit?" Guess who's wired on caffeine?

"....You gonna give me any of that coffee?"

"NononononononononooooooNO!"

"How the heck did you a jumbo pack of expresso in a hospital?!?"

They continued to walk down the hallway until they reached a 'T.' There were two ways to go. They had no clue which one to pick.

Young Link solved their dilemna for them....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW!!!!!!!!!!"

....by running into Falco.

"Young Link! It'syouit'syouit'sreallyreallyyouwecanleavenow!!!!"

"Fox! Falco!" Young Link burst into tears. He was so relieved it was painful. He had been trapped in a hospital and chased by crazy doctors for hours, and now he was safe. He hugged Falco.

"Aaaaaaaaw!" Fox, Falco and Young Link turned around. There were the crazy doctors.

"............." They stared at the doctors. The doctors stared at them. As my ex-muse Steve the Evil Tomato used to say, "NEVER look a crazy doctor in the eye. They become....more crazy."

The hyper Fox grabbed Young Link and started to run, Falco close behind. The doctors definately had the advantage. This was their labyrinth. Fox and Falco were fast, but for all they knew, thye could make a wrong turn and end up in a dead end. There was no escape-

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!**

"Crud, this is just another room!"

"Then blow up another wall!"

"Okay!!"

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!**

"Another room, dangit."

" Hey guys, this map says 'You are in the basement!' How does the map know where we are?" Fox was past the 'super fast' stage of hyperness, and was now in the 'loud, stupid, and talking to inanimate objects' stage.

"Fox...."

"Hey, map, where is the exit?"

"Fox!"

"Map, where are the doctors?"

**"FOX!!"**

"He has a point, Falco. Where'd the doctors go? Wouldn't they have figured out that we weren't still in that janitor's closet?"

"..............Shut up and blow up the wall."

Young Link shrugged, but then something occurred to him. "Uh, didn't Fox say we were in the basement?"

"..............Aw crap."

"Hey! The map just told me where the exit is!"

"It did?!?"

"Yeah!" Fox pointed to where the map said 'EXIT.'

"...No more coffee for you. EVER!"

Then the doctors walked in. They were ticked off because they hadn't been able to open the closet that they thought our heroes had been in. (A.N. Sorry 'bought that "our heroes" thing...)

"Falco..."

"Shut up, Fox. I'm thinking."

"Falco!"

"Can't hear you....."

"FALCO!!"

"LALALALALALALALA!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!! LALALAA..."

"**FALCO!!!**"

"WHAT!?!"

"I think the doctors know where we are." The doctors stood in the doorway, arms crossed.

"You THINK?"

"Hold on. I'll ask them!" Fox had reached the 'avanced stupidity' stage.

"Just follow us!!"

"Okay! But they don't look happy, maybe I should invite 'em to come with OOOOW!!"

Falco dragged Fox along by his ear. Young Link was slightly ahead of him, blowing up doors or walls with his bombs. Falco checked another map. "We can either use the elevator or the stairs. We're closer to the stairs."

"Uh, Falco...?" The stairs had been reduced to toothpicks.

"Elevator it is."

They all rushed into the elevator, doctors included. They listened to the elevator music while the elevator slowly went up.

"Sooo...got any kids?" Falco asked one crazy doctor. The silence was a little awkward for him.

The doctor nodded. "Two. One's going through his potty-training now." The doctor smiled. He pointed to Young Link, who ducked behind Fox. "He yours?"

"No. We agreed to pick him up for a friend."

"Oh."

The elevator dinged.

"Mind if we get a head start?"

"Of course."

The doors opened. Fox, Falco, and Young Link ran like heck. Even with their head start, the doctors were close behind them. They were almost to the doors. Fox went into a slow motion dive.....and slammed into the doors. He made a squealing noise as he slid to the ground.

Falco and Young Link sweatdropped and walked out.

Falco turned to Young Link. "Wanna stop by McDonald's on the way home?"

_**End of chapter. Thanx for reading.**_

DarkWarLord: Yay!! Done with chapter 5!! (opens closet door, looks around, closes door)

(whispers) Please review!! Just click on the pretty purple button!


	6. The Assassin and the Captive

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Right, before anything else, Mr. Son of Marth, there are 26 Smashers if you count Nana and Popo separately. Now, returning to my present situation....

(_is cornered by three SquishyandWrathfulJellyfishofWrath_)

1st Jellyfish: Get 'er!

_But before the squishy and wrathful jellyfish could attack, our wonderful authoress's army of Evil Tomatoes returns just in the nick of time to heroically crash through the wall and rescue her. They attacked the jellyfish and drove them from her lair in one mighty sweep. There was but one thing the army could not do: save themselves from the wrath of a dark warlord whose wall has pulverized._

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for rescuing me, but a) what were you doing all this time, and b) WHY DID YOU BREAK MY WALL?!?! Do you

know how expensive it is to get a hidden lair in the mountains repaired?

Steve the Evil Tomato: Well, the wall thing **seemed** like a good idea at the time. As for your first question, we tried working at a restaurant....that did NOT turn out good. (_shudders_) And since there doesn't seem to be any demand for a giant army of evil tomatoes, we decided to come back just at the nick of time. Happy? (-.-)

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Actually, yes! My muse has returned! (_hugs Steve_) But I have to apologize for all of the property damage you've caused while running rampant in addition to paying for the wall you destroyed which _cough_iscomingoutofyourpay_cough_! Now do the disclaimer!

Steve: **DarkWarLordofDoomness owns nothing.** That's nilch, ix-nay, nein, zero, nadda. She owns about as many characters as there is gray matter in her hea-(_authoress claps hand over his mouth)_

DarkWarLordofDoomness: That's enough of a disclaimer, Steve. Why don't we move on to the story now? In which there will ACTUALLY be some plot. _(Steve looks horrified)_

**Chappie 6: The Assassin and the Hostage**

In the lair of our still-unknown antagonists.....

"The doctors failed. We must send someone else." A deep, dangerous voice mused.

"But who?"

"Who else?"

"Ooooohh....Who?"

"................." There is the sound of a slap.

"OW!! Wha'd ya do **that** for!?

"Because you're an idiot. I'm talking about the **assassin!**"

"We have an assassin?"

"No, we have a chihuahua named Fred."

"REALLY!!?!"

"......No."

"Aaaaaww...."

There is the sound of footsteps approaching. "Reporting for duty, sir!"

"Jeff, for the last time, quit acting like a soldier, and take this idiot to the park."

"The park!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa- hey, I'm not an idiot, poopy-brain!"

"Are too, snot-face!"

"Am not, **limberger cheese**!!"

That was too much of an insult for the other to take. He dealt the ultimate blow. "Fine then, you don't get to go to the park!"

"WHAT!?! I'm gonna tell Mom!!"

"............Okay...go to the stupid park."

"YAAAY!! I get to go to the pa-ark! I get to go to the pa-ark! I get to go to the pa-ark!"

".....Jeff, before you take him to the park, get my a phone. I need to call a friend...." The owner of the deep voice started to laugh evilly.

"I get to go to the pa-ark! I get to go to-"

"**SHUT UP ALREADY!!!**"

_At the park...._

"Young Link, don't stare."

"But-"

"It's rude. Not as rude as destroying a treasured hanky," Peach made a coughing noise that sounded _remarkably_ like 'Mario' and continued. "But still rude. Popo, Nana, Ness, same for you three."

"Everyone else is staring."

"Does that make it right?"

"No, but it does make it socially acceptable!"

".....I give up...stare all you want." Peach sat delicately on a bench and pouted. '_Stupid child geniuses...'_

A few feet away there were two guys wearing dark, hooded cloaks that shadowed their faces. Even if you stood right in front of them with the sun shining directly into their faces, you somehow wouldn't be able to see anything but two glowing red eyes.

One of the obviously evil, cloaked beings stood next to the swings. He looked around and saw everyone in the park staring at him. He sweatdropped and hunched his shoulders. "You done yet?" he muttered darkly to his companion.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" The other evil, cloaked villain person ignored him and continued his swinging. His glowing red eyes were currently shaped like glowing, upside-down red U's. (A.N. Like so n.n)

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" he squealed delightedly. Everyone stared. An evil guy with red, glowing eyes and a face you can't see.....on the swings...very creepy. Very. Very. Very. **Very. Creepy.**

_In front of the mansion and after this scene change announcement..._

A niiiice car pulled up and the woman inside it exited the car, so that she was no longer within the vehicle, but instead, outside it, which is to say that she wasn't inside. Confused? Good.

The lady was wearing one of those buisnesswoman suits, and those **really** high high heels. Stiletto heels, I think. Just to clear this up, one of the highs in the first sentence of this paragraph is high as in refering to the height of the heels. The other is the name of the shoe type, as in 'high heels' and therefore I am **not** needlessly repeating myself. I repeat, I am **not** repeating myself. Once again, I am **not** repeating myself. Do I need to repeat that? No. Do I need to stop rambling and focus on the story that I am even now typing? Heck yeah.

The woman took out a microphone attached to a tape recorder that was attached to a belt she was wearing. She pressed the _record_ button and lifted the microphone to her ruby painted lips.

"Testing, one, two, three, testing. I, the lovely assassin known as Reporter, have reached the home of the famous Smashers. I'm here to get their final interviews..." Smirking, the Reporter walked to the side of the mansion. Before she started to climb, she pressed a button on her handy-dandy utility belt. The Mission Impossible theme started to play.

_Du du, dudududu du, duuunnh dun duuun, duuuuuuunduuundun, dun na nun nun nun._

An hour later, she finally reached the second story. "Note to self..." she panted into the microphone, "Never climb in high heels again."

Before moving on, the deadly reporter checked her make-up and reassured herself that every single platinum-blonde hair was perfectly in place. A reporter must always look good for the camera, even if there aren't any nearby. It's the sacred law that all reporters follow. Smiling her perfect smile-for-the-camera smile, she silently walked into the hallway.

Marth heard the sound of high-heeled footsteps behind him. Thinking it was either Peach or Zelda, he turned around.

"Konnichi-"** KLONK!!** The microphone struck his head, knocking him out instantly. Reporter expertly yanked back the cord and caught her speaking device/weapon.

"There you have it, the final word of Marth, the popular bishonen. Marth was caught completely off-guard, and never had a chance, proving that looks aren't everything. Now..."

she smirked and examined her long, red, sharpened nails. "Time to finish him off." Reporter extended her claw-like nails towards Marth's unprotected throat.

"Marth!!"

The rogue reporter swore and yanked her hand back. She couldn't risk anyone finding her. Her plan had been to track them down, one at a time, kill 'em, and hide the bodies in a closet. There was no way she could take them all down at once. Reporter ran like only someone in high heels can run, and ducked around a corner just in time.

"Hey, Marth, I got our payche-**Kuso**!!!" Roy jogged around the corner and tripped over his unconscious friend. "Dude, what the heck happened to you?! Oh...wait...you're unconscious, so you can't really answer. Well, why the heck did you have to go unconscious right **there**?! I bet you did that on purpose!!" Finally, after remembering that Marth could possibly, maybe, just _maybe_ needed medical attention, Roy dragged him to the hospital section.

"Only a minor setback." Reporter hissed. No matter. She could deal with them both later. As she tippy-toed past yet another room, she heard voices and ducked behind a potted plant. Maybe they could be ambushed.

"Pika pika chu pi kah?"

"Chu!"

Reporter smirked. _'Top story: The tragic death of two Pokemon!'_ She began to twirl her microphone. Knock them both out, and find a way to make their deaths as horrible and tragic as possible, and then she'd have a headliner, front page.

Pichu's large ears perked up, and she tugged at Pikachu's paw. "Pi!" she squeaked, pointing at the potted plant.

"Kachu?"

Reporter stopped twirling her microphone, and itclunked loudly against the wall in her hurry to remain unnoticed.

Pikachu braced himself for a fight. "Chu ka pi chuchu!" He hissed to Pichu. She nodded and ran off to find the other Smashers.

"Piii...kaaaa..."

'_Oh shi-'_

"CHUU!!!" Pikachu zapped the plant.

Reporter jumped away, and hurled her microphone at Pikachu, who shielded. Pikachu attempted to tackle her but she jumped out of the way and kicked him.

"Kah!" High. Heels. Hurt. Pikachu was back on his feet, but he couldn't dodge her next attack and was slammed against the wall. Reporter slashed downward with her nail-claws, and Pikachu immediately used quick attack and avoided it.

And the cavalry arrived. All exits were blocked by Smashers. Seeing no escape, the reporter brought the microphone up to her mouth.

"I am cornered, but fear not! I'll just take them all down at once! Full story at three!" She waited as a clock ticked, then chimed three times. "I am now bringing you the story of the century! The downfall of the Smashers!" She took an item from her utility belt, and looked around the room, searching for a victim. Her eyes fell on the feeble-looking Mewtwo. She dashed towards him.

She was almost close enough to strike when Mewtwo teleported, revealing Roy-and his fully charged sword.

The reporter's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and for the first time everyone saw what she was holding.

The mother of all Bo-ombs. **KAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

The rest of the Smashers were hurled back as Roy and the reporter flew through the roof and far, far away.

Roy didn't know how long he had been flying through the air, covered with soot and burns. Heck, at one point he probably even dozed off. Just when he was starting to like the sensation of flying through the air, he crashed through a stone roof. Reporter (he forgot about her) landed not-so-gently on him. Aside from the gaping hole in the roof letting in light, the place was dark. Very dark. He couldn't see anything in the rest of the room.

Reporter wearily stood up and and got off of Roy. Roy, from his cozy little spot on the cold stone floor, glared at her. Because of this reporter lady, he was in a weird lair-like place, had been blown up and thrown through the air, and as a result was in lots of pain.

Roy tried to get up so that if anything attacked he would at least be on his feet. He moved, and pain shot through him. It was like he was covered with one hell of a sunburn, which was probably what it amounted to. Since it hurt too much to move, he remained where he was.

"Hello Reporter."

Said person frantically tried to scan the room. Roy could see that her hair and clothes were singed. She searched for her tape recorder and microphone, but they apparently fell off in the explosion.

"You were unsuccessful." The voice made Roy nervous. It was low and dangerous.

"W-well....yes, b-but I was ambushed...i-it's not my faul-"

"Silence!" The voice hissed. "You have failed me for the first and last time."

"I-I brought a hostage!" Reporter's voice rose shrilly.

"Indeed. But you failed your assigned task. You know the penalty."

"It was only ONCE!!" Her voice grew higher and louder.

"Yes...and as thanks for your years of loyal service, you will die relatively quickly." Whoever it was laughed evilly. "Minion, bring the earmuffs!"

Someone wearing a black cloak that hid his face and pink, fuzzy earmuffs came with another pair and placed them over Roy's ears. Two more guys came forward and dragged Roy away from Reporter. She said something, but Roy couldn't hear it.

Right before his very eyes something was ahppening to her. Reporter looked like she was screaming. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she fell to the floor, twitching. Froth poured out of her mouth, and she stopped moving.

Shocked, it took Roy a minute to realize that his earmuffs had been removed.

"It appears we-" A door opened loudly, and somone walked in.

"Just came to get my Barney cd!" The maker of noise announced cheerfully. "OOOOOW!!"

"What happened?"

"I bumped my shin...why do you keep it so dark in here?"

"Busy. Ask me later."

"Why do you have a hole in your ceiling?"

"....Guess what!!"

"What?!"

"If you're the first person to find the rainbow colored pineapple, you'll win a prize!"

"Wow! What's the prize?"

"A rainbow-colored pineapple!"

"COOL!" Hurried footsteps left the room.

"Idiot...now where was I...oh! Right." The leader walked forward. His gray cloak shielded his face, leaving only red eyes glowing from the darkness. "Roy, we want some **information **from you." He stressed the word 'information.'

Lights scattered through the room suddenly turned on, illuminating the room for two seconds before they fizzed out.

"Sorry! The circuit burned out! This'll take a minute!" Someone yelled from somewhere.

For several minutes they waited in the darkness. Someone sneezed, and someone else said, "Bless you." Then the sneezer said,"Thank you!"

"Why did you say 'thank you?'" That was someone else.

"Because it's the polite thing to do."

"Oh."

They all waited in the mostly darkness, silent. Roy considered making a run for it, but the second he tried to yank his arms out of the grip of his guards, their grip tightened. And that hurt, so he stopped. And the lights flared back to life.

"Finally!" The leader rolled his glowing red eyes before he directed Roy's attention to the trapdoor in the floor.

"If you do not wish to endure the horrors in here, you will tell us what we want to know."

"Never!" Roy played the part of the heroic captive.

"Aaww..." Whispered one guard behind him. "I wanted to know what Fox's favorite color is!"

"Very well then!" The leader hissed (he does that a lot) as he opened the trapdoor.

As Roy was pushed towards it, he saw what was in there, and his blood froze as his eyes absorbed the horrors within it.

_**EEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNDDDD CHAPTER 6**_

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Sooo tired.....I want sleep....stayed up late typing this.....(yawn) So, before I fall asleep on my computer, I just want to let Skye Agony:Guitarist of Doom know that her suggestion shall be used next chappie......now, I must sleeep.....

StevetheEvilTomato: What about editing your story?

DarkWarLordofDoomness: I know how to replace chapters now, so if there are any errors, lemme knooo.....zZzZz


	7. Leave it to the Beaver

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! I'd like to take a moment to thank EVERYONE who review-o.O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS **THAT**!?!?! (points to **that**)

LazyJellyfishWithoutWrath: (raises tentacle) -.- (flops)

StevetheEvilTomato: That's my friend Lazy. He's visiting from Skye Agony, Guitarist of Doom's place.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: THAT IS A JELLYFISH!!!!!!!!

Steve: We're past that now.

Lazy: (is magically transported to the top of DarkWarLordofDoomness' head)

DarkWarLordofDoomness: OoO!!!!!! (runs around in circles) IT'S EATING MY BRAIN!!!

Lazy: -.-zZz (is asleep)

DarkWarLordofDoomness: I'M DYING!!!!!!!!! (faints)

Steve: (O.o) Wow. She still alive?

Lazy: Ye.......ye.....yeeeee...(falls asleep again)

Steve: (evil little tomato grin) COOOOOOOOoooooooooooooollllllllllll!!!!!!!! **I'M **in charge now.....Bwuahahahahahahaha-**hack**!** Hurg!** Cough! Cough! GASP!! Geez, how the heck can she **laugh** like that!?!? Yeah.......Uh, thank you, Skye Agony, Guitarist of Doom, for allowing us to use Joe the Beaver! Now, on to the disclaimer! Heh...I always wanted to say that.

Lazy: -.-zZz..............

****

**__**

**__**

**_1_**

**_Disclaimer: Hello lawyers,_**

_**you can't sue,**_

_**cause me no own!**_

_**(Alas, this is true) T-T**_

1

1

As Roy was pushed towards the now-open trapdoor, he saw the horror within its depths.

_'Dear Lord no!!'_

Rabid fangirls. (A.N.Dun dun duuuun!!!! Steve:......When'd you wake up? DWLoD:shrugs)

There were hundreds of them, swarming around eachother, making hideous noises that sound like "Like, kee-yoot!!" or calling out "Tooooooooooootalllllleeeeeeeeee!!!"

The gray-cloaked leader smiled, although Roy couldn't see it because the cloak covered his face. "Rabid fangirls. And not just any rabid fangirls. These are the truly obsessed and disturbed, the most rabid of all. And they've been in here for months without pictures of bishonen or anything pink." He snapped his fingers, and a minion came forth bearing....a magazine with Legolas on the cover. He tossed it into the pit.

The sight that Roy beheld was terrifying. Imagine his pain, seeing these rabid creatures attack eachother, scratching, clawing, tearing at eachothers' hair over the magazine, and knowing that you could be next.

"To help you better understand the rabitity of these fangirls, we have an informational video for you to view."

Suddenly, Roy was tied to a chair in front of a big tv.

"Uhh....don't I get popcorn?"

"You're asking me, the antagonist, for popcorn."

"Yup."

He sighed. "Fine then."

A perfectly popped batch of popcorn was brought forth.

"......No butter?"

Steaming, hot butter was poured on the popcorn.

"No soda?"

Diet Coke was brought.

"......Diet? Are you insinuating that I am fat?"

Regular coke was brought.

"I like Pepsi."

The Coke was replaced with Pepsi.

"Perfect!" Roy smiled. He tried to grab a handful of the perfect popcorn, but his hands were tied behind his back. "...................."

The leader laughed evilly. The popcorn, the soda, it was all right beneath his nose, but Roy wouldn't be able to eat any of it. Roy narrowed his eyes.

"You bastard!"

Then the video started, and some guy with an Australian accent began to speak.

_"Here we see the rabid fangirl. How rabid is it? Well we're gonna find out."_

_The host walked over to where a rabid fangirl was calmly doing her nails. _

_"I'm now going to imitate the call of a fangirl. Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!!!" he called. "Liiiike!"_

_The rabid fangirl looked up. "Huh?"_

_"This one's alone, which is very, very rare for a rabid fangirl. They are very social creatures, but they ain't that smart. Now I'm going to show her a picture of Sessho-maru....CRIKEY!!!!!!"_

_The camera fell over, showing only the wilderness known as the mall. Screams of pain came from somewhere offscreen, and then we see the host trying to crawl away. He appears to be missing an arm. The rabid fangirl flies towards him, shrieking._

_"Gimmefluffynownownowandmorepicsoffluffy!!!!!"_

_"Crikey! She's hitting me with me arm!!"_

_The screen is filled with snow._

The leader coughed as he switched off the tv. "Yes, very educational indeed."

Roy was untied and pushed towards the pit of rabid fangirls. Seized by panic, he struggled. In a desperate attempt to free himself, he stomped on the foot of one of the guards. It didn't work. Roy was dragged to the pit, and thrown in.

_1_

_1_

_In the mansion, 8:40-something a.m._

1

Master Hand floated through the kitchen, wanting nothing more than to zap something. How could McDonald's fire HIM, of all people.....hands......what was up with that?!?! Thank whoever was up there watching for the Classifieds. He found a job that seemed promising. The majority of them could work at the local lumber mill that he'd never known existed.

Pausing by the counter, idly wondering what he should eat, Master Hand allowed his eyes......

(AN. Hold on for one sec. starts to sob) to wander along the counter, until he saw something that should never be seen by mortal eyes....or hands. Ketchup on raisin bread.

Master Hand gagged, and fell to the ground. Young Link strolled in a grabbed it.

"THERE'S my breakfast!"

As the remainder of the Smashers arrived in their pursuit of food, Master Hand eloquently informed them that their assistance was required at the location of their employment.

"We all have jobs now. Be ready to work in two hours."

So very eloquently, indeed.

Pikachu, Pichu, Jigglypuff, Kirby and the children were the only ones not going.And neither was Link, being immobile with his injury. Then again, Samus and Marth weren't going either. They were out searching for Roy. Don't tell me you thought they forgot him. That would be ridiculous. Trust me, it's very hard to forget about the cute pyromaniac who wields a sword. Especially when he's teamed up with two other swordmen on numerous occasions to battle the forces of evil. Or hijack an ice cream truck. Whichever.

_1  
In a forest somewhere..._

1

"ROOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOOOOOOU!?!?"

"Are yousss searches for somethingsss?"

"Uhh...." Samus stared at the weird, greenish midget-thing. "Yeah, we are."

"Gollum, we can helpsss them, can't we my preciousss? Gollum! Wesss can find thisss Roy..."

Samus pointed her blaster at the repulsive thing.

"Where is Roy?"

"Smeagol will leadsss the way, gollum! We'll find the one with red hairssssss, won't we, my Preciousss?"

The weird, loinclothed creature seemed deranged, and he had no clue what this 'Precious' was, but Marth had to find Roy. He and Samus followed it, clueless as to the plans forming in its head.

_In the lumbermill...._

Captain Falcon studied the paper he was holding.

"It says here our new boss is Joe the Beaver, but I don't see anyone...."

"Down here!" A little voice cried.

"Huh? Who said that?"

"I did!" They all looked down, and saw a short, little beaver. Ganondorf placed one fist on the other. Joe was about that size.

"I'm Joe the Beaver!" The miniscule beaver adjusted his mountie hat.

"I'm your boss!"

"You?!"

"Yes, me!"

Master Hand floated lower. "But..."

"What?"

"Chicken butt!" Yoshi yelled. Everyone turned to glare at him.

"I find that highly offensive." Falco stated coldly.

Mr. Game&Watch beeped in annoyance. Peach rolled her eyes. Luigi, who found ANYTHING relating to butts offensive, glared as fiercely as anyone who looks like that can glare. After making Yoshi squirm uncomfortably for two minutes, they all returned to the previous topic as though nothing had happened.

"You're so...."

"Yes?" Joe waited, silently hoping it was a word other than the one which he hated.

"Short."

Alas, it was. Joe pushed down on his mountie hat so that it covered his eyes.

"GET TO WORK, SLACKERS!!!!!!"

_1_

_Back in the mansion's garage..._

1

Pikachu crawed out from under the machine he'd been working on. He wiped sweat off his furry forehead, smearing it with grease in the process.

"Pika pi chu ka?"

Pichu adjusted a pair of blue goggles over her eyes, then tied her favorite blue bandana around her neck. She looked like a pilot.

"Pi!"

Pikachu switched on the machine. A giant fan started to spin lazily, the moved faster.

Pichu was now having trouble keeping her balance. The fan was still going faster, and the wind it was causing grew stronger. Pichu leaned forward, gritting her teeth.

"Piiiiii...."

Even faster.

"Cha!" Pichu pressed herself against the ground, trying to dig her claws into the cement, while Pikachu stood a safe distance away, scribbling on his clipboard.

"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICHUUUUUU!!!" Pichu flew into the wall. "Pi...."

Pikachu turned off the machine and checked his clipboard. Shaking his head, he made a few adjustments. Pichu slid down the wall, making a loud squealing noise as she did so. Struggling to her feet, she moved back to the center of the room.

Pikachu turned on the fan again. It accelerated quickly, going to its high speed much sooner. Pichu was slammed against the wall much sooner than she had expected to be. Pikachu made more adjustments while she peeled herself off the wall and moved back to her spot in front of the fan.

Three tries later, Pikachu made one last adjustment. If it didn't work this time, it was back to the drawing board. Trembling, he switched it on.

Hurricane force winds instantly sent Pichu flying into the wall.

Pikachu turned it off, and gave Pichu a thumbs-up.

Pichu cracked a smile that would have been adorable in different cicumstances. But now, with her face looking the way it looked after being aquainted with the wall so many times, she looked a lot less like a pilot, and a lot more like a hockey player. She hopped out of her little crater in the wall, adjusted her cracked goggles, and stood on the red 'X' in the corner.

"Kachu!" Pikachu pressed a red button, and a lazer made from floss, a toaster, and one of Peach's hairdryers descended from the ceiling. Pichu's ears drooped as it was aimed at her.

"Chu......" It was one of those days.

1

!"It is soooooo weird! Every hairdryer I had suddenly disappeared!"

Zelda tried to block out the sound of Peach talking, she really did. But sweeping just wasn't interesting enough to block out Peach with. Unless she stuffed the broom in her mouth....

"How do SEVEN hairdryers disappear like that?!?! Now I can dry my hair! That is soo NOT suh-weet!"

"How......interesting. Trying to maintain her dignity and her sanity, Zelda watched Joe yell at Mr. Game&Watch. Because he was so thin, the skinny guy kept slipping through the cracks in the floor. When he was done with that, Joe told Captain Falcon how to operate the buzzsaw.

"......And pay attention to it at all times! Got it!?"

"Yus!"

Joe wandered off to watch Master Hand work.

Captain Falcon pressed a button. He watched as a log was cleanly sliced into two halves by the saw. Another one came, and was cut in two. Then another. And another. This one had "Johnny Heart Jane" written in it. That log was sliced in two, separating Johnny and Jane forever. Captain Falcon was having so much fun, he decided to take a nap.

The buzzsaw continued its work. It diligently sawed another log that had once been a big tree in half. He'd been doing it for years. But, what was this?!? No one was watching him! The desire for freedom flared in the buzzsaw's heart. He broke free and jumped to the floor.

Captain Falcon dreamed that a bee was flying around his head, and wouldn't go away. Then he woke up, but the buzzing was still there. Actually, it was more of a bzzt than a bzzzz. Looking to his left, Captain Falcon saw the giant saw moving around clumsily. The buzzsaw he was supposed to be watching. The buzzsaw turned towards him, and the racer got the feeling that if it had eyes, it would be glaring at him. He did what any self-respecting, macho, muscular bounty-hunter/racer would do. He screamed like a little gited beyond the reach of the Rmrl and ran like hell.

Captain Falcon ran past Zelda and Peach, still screaming. Zelda momentarily forgot about the broom she was holding above Peach's head, and Peach stopped talking. They turned and saw the Rampaging Buzzsaw of Death. Guess what they did? They ditched their high heels and ran like they were being chased by a Rampaging Buzzsaw of Death.

Captain Falcon was fast. But if you've ever played him in SSBM, you know that he has trouble stopping. So Mr. Genius ran right into Ganondorf and Bowser. Bowser growled at him, and prepared to create a barbeque. Ganondorf flexed his muscles. Then they heard Peach and Zelda screaming. Interested in what would make the girlfriends of their arch-enemies scream, they stared past Captain Falcon. They saw the impending buzzsaw, their eyes popped, and they ran as fast as two of the slowest characters can run.

They all ran, ran, ran, as fast as they could. More Smashers joined their panicked group. Joe moved his tiny limbs so quickly they were blurred. Then Master Hand stopped.

"Why am **I** running? Forget this." He floated up, and watched the rest of them run. Mewtwo, being psychic, also floated beyond the reach of the Rampaging Buzzsaw of Doom. Everyone else had to run, the poor suckers.

"Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the GingerBre-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" The GingerBread Man was sliced to bits. Only crumbs remained. Everything was destroyed, even-

"Not the gumdrop buttons! Anything but those!" cried Ganondorf. Blinded by rage, he stopped running, and turned to face the buzzsaw.

"Ganondorf! Noooooo! You'll die!" Screamed everyone else. But they all kept running.

The buzzsaw was almost on top off him now. He lept to the side, and charged up his punch.

"This is for you, Gingy! HUAAAAH!!!!!!!"

The buzzzaw was sent off course by the punch, and it crashed through the wall. It charged up to the top of the hill, where it reared up. Silhoueted by the sunset, it sped into the sunset.

Ganondorf fell to his knees. "Gingy..." He sobbed. Mr Game&Watch placed a hand on his shoulder. He, too, had once suffered a loss such as this.

Joe looked around his lumbermill. The floor was torn up, the wall had a hole in it, and he needed another saw. He readjusted his mountie hat. "You're fired."

****

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**__**

**_1_**

**_This is the end of the chapter. You sad? Too bad. I'm glad._**

1

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Skye, I hoped you liked this chappie, cause my fingers hurt from all the typing! T-T Poor fingers....

Steve: You're pathetic.

DarkWarLordofDommness: And sorry about all the numbers between the scene changes. The stupid thing isn't letting me do the spaces the way I want to do them. .


	8. Don't Get All Antsy on Me!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yes, I thought this day would never come either........

StevetheEvilTomato: But it FINALLY has....

DarkWarLordofDoomness: **THE EIGHTH CHAPTER OF MONEY MANGEMENT!!!!**(confetti falls) Yep, I finally got off my butt, or.....is it on? Cause I sit down when I type....anyway, it's here!! So knock yourselves out!!

Doubt-Bringers: (wearing party hats) They probably will ssssssso they won't have to ssssuffer from your horrible ssstory....

DarkWarLordofDoomness:........Do not listen, do not listen, do not listen.....

Doubt-Bringers: (shout) **YOU SSSTILL OWN NOTHING, YOU ARE A PATHETIC SSSLOB, AND YOU WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON TO GET SSSSSUED FOR SSSTUPIDITY!!!!**

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Steve...

Steve: Uh.....what?

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Sic 'em.

Steve: (evil little tomato grin)

Doubt-Bringers: O.O!!!!!! RUN AWAYSSSS!!!!!!!

_Now.....for an all new item....._

_Quote of the chapter......_

Germaine: Look at my jiggly butt!! It's beautiful!!

_That was Germaine from Neurotically Yours. That internet toon is not owned by DarkWarLordofDoomness. It's owned by someone else. Now on to the chapter....._

_**Chappie Eight: Don't Get All Antsy On Me!!**_

'_Master Hand really hates me.'_

This thought repeated itself in Marth's mind, an endless circle of self-pity. He followed the emaciated midget that claimed to know the way to Roy. The creepy little thing also seemed to enjoy refering to itself in third person.

"Smeagol will lead the waysss, gollum! Follows usss!"

'_Us!?!?'_

Yes, Marth was just LOVING the rock-climbing. Who wouldn't? Climbing up a dirty, giant hunk of rock that had been sitting here for millions of years......breathing in that gorgeous fresh air filled with the dust from those climbing ahead of him...that feeling you get when you feel your favorite cape rip.....yup. Heaven.

Marth coughed. So much dust....the stuff was everywhere. In his mouth, in his hair, on his clothes.....there was no escaping it. Forget Roy. He wanted a shower. A nice, looong shower with lots of shampoo for his dusty hair and lotion for his poor, scraped hands. Actually, he was currently distracting himself by playing a little mind game. Choose: Which would you prefer, a nice long shower to get rid of the dust from the mountain, or sticking your sword into the little schizophrenic midget that brought you to the mountain? Choices, choices....

His left foot slipped as the rock he was standing on shifted suddenly. He slid a few feet, then stopped himself by grabbing onto another, (hopefully) more stable, rock. His hands were scraped, and he had skinned his knee and ripped his cape. Marth was so mad, so frustrated, so fed up with fate, that he actually tried to rip out his hair.

Samus luckily spotted him before he committed this insane act. She ran/jumped back and slapped Marth.

"Get ahold of yourself!!!"

Marth turned around, and saw that he had only climbed fifty feet out of oh, say, several thousand? Frustration turned to despair, and he fell to his knees, sobbing.

Samus gritted her teeth, then turned to glare at....what did he call himself? Smeagol? Whatever.

"Is there any OTHER way to find Roy? I mean, do we have to climb this mountain, or is there another way?"

"Only waysss to find the onesss with red hairsssss!"

Samus' eye twitched. Climbing a mountain was so much fun, she wanted to scream. Or hit Marth with her cannon. Or scream while hitting Marth with her cannon at the same time. Whatever she did, she still had to climb that stupid mountain.

Or did she?

Samus picked up Marth bridal-style, then activated the jets on her back. Using them, she was able to jump from rock to rock with the agility of a mountain goat on steroids, while Smeagol scrambled up after her like a four-legged spider.

She reached the top in a relatively short amount of time. At the top, she unceremoniously dumped Marth on the ground. She took off her helmet and gulped down fresh air. Marth lay where she had dropped him, still traumatized from the high-speed climb. She rolled her eyes.

**Mini-Flashback:**

_"AAAH!!! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!?!?!? GAH!! WE'RE GONNA FALL!!"_

_"Shut up Marth....."_

_"AAAH!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!! I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!"_

**End Mini-Flashback**

From their vantage point on top of the mountain, Samus was able to see in every direction. She admired the view for a while. Then something caught her attention. The mountain was surrounded by forest. A beautiful forest, yes, but that was irrelevent. The pressing matter was that there was nothing. No huge "secret" lair where Roy was probably being held captive by some evil villain, nothing.

_'I think we were tricked....'_ She walked over to the edge of a steep drop, and studied the other side of the mountain for anything that might show where Roy was. Nothing.

Behind her, Gollum stealthily climbed up, unnoticed. Samus had her back turned, and Marth was.....well, Marth's mental state has been slightly compromised.

"Happy place......happy place......lots of clothes.....pretty clothes.....not torn....happy place......hello Mr. Unicorn, do you have the latest fashions from Macy's and JC Penny's? Yaaay......"

Make that greatly compromised.

Anyway, Gollum was judging the situation. The girl in the weird armor was leaning over, and with enough of a push, she would fall to her death.Gollum charged.

And smashed into Samus. And she didn't move an inch. Yeah, didn't I say he was emaciated at the beginning of this chappie? For those of you who don't want to get a dctionary, "emaciated" is just a fancy word for "super-model skinny."

"You just tried to kill me, didn't you!?!"

"Uh, uh, uh, uh.....Nossss I didn'tss...."

"Eat blaster, midget!" Samus yelled. Surprisingly, she didn't use her blaster. She just kicked him hard enough to send him flying. As she watched him fly off into the distance, she smugly thought, '_Thought he could kill ME, did he?'_

"Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend...Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend.....Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend..." Marth chanted while rocking back and forth.

'_Why is he here anyway!?!' _One half of Samus' mind growled.

The other half responded, '_To help find Roy!' _

Samus blinked. "Oh crap....." All that work, all that climbing, and they still had no clue where Roy was. They were even worse off then when they started. Back to square one, except she had to climb down a mountain with a pretty-boy gone mental.

_Back At the Mansion......._

"DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!"

"Peach, what-a are you-a doing!?!"

"Our house has been invaded by ants!! That is so NOT suh-weet!!" Armed with Raid, Peach fought a losing battle in the kitchen.

An ear-splitting scream suddenly echoed through the mansion. Everyone ran upstairs to see what the heck was happening. Under normal circumstances, they wouldn't do this, because under normal circumstances, spontaneous screaming WAS normal. But now, they were all very bored.

"MY CANDY!!!!! MY CANDY!!" Young Link shrieked.

His precious stash of almost every type of sugary thing in the planet, made all the more precious by the shortage of money, was covered with ants.

"GET 'EM OFF!!! GET 'EM OFF!!!!!!"

Peach attacked the pile of candy and ants with Raid.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YOU'RE KILLING THE CANDY!!!"**

"I'm also killing the ants!!! I bet **_this _**is what made them invade the mansion!!"

"**MY CANDY!!!**"

"Young Link...."

"**THAT &!/ KILLED MY CANDY!!!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, PEACH!!!**"

"Young Link, the ants would have eaten it all anyway....."

"My candy...." sobbed Young Link.

"Young Link, it was all ruined from the moment the ants came. There was nothing you could've do to prevent it." Zelda hugged the crying Kokiri. The other chibi Smashers stood around, nodding sympathetically.

Falco tilted his head, thinking. "Actually, if he'd put it all in a cupboard instead of leaving it out like this, it would've been safe." He untilted his head, and saw that everyone was glaring at him, besides Bowser and Ganondorf. They were eyeing the candy, despite the fact that it was covered in poison and ant corpses. Young Link sobbed even harder.

Peach glared at the candy, trying to see if there were any survivors. "Funny, I don't remember you having so much candy the last time I was in here...."

Young Link paused in his sobbing for a moment, and he and the other chibis exchanged frightened glances, which went unnoticed because Peach spotted a surviving ant, and proceeded to stomp it into oblivion. After she was satisfied that it wasn't going to get any thinner, she ran out of the room to resume her battle in the kitchen.

Zelda looked around Young Link's room. It was covered with ant bodies, and smelled deadlier than the bathroom did after someone served prune pie for dinner one fateful day.

"You definately can't sleep in here until after it's been cleaned! It's a danger zone! Link....."

The newly de-casted Link edged away from her.

"Couldn't Young Link stay in your room? Just until his is clean?" Zelda asked oh-so-sweetly.

"W-well....I don't think.....fine."

"That's so sweet of you, Link!!" Zelda gave Link a kiss on the cheek. In the backround, the kids (still there) gagged.

"Say thank you to Link, Young Link."

"Thanks...."

"No problem!" Link walked out of there, a goofy grin still plastered on his face.

A high pitched scream of terror echoed through the house. Confusion reigned.

"Is that Peach?"

"No-a, she'sa okay...."

"Zelda?"

"I'm right here."

".........Samus!?!"

"She's gone, idiot!"

"Then who could it be!?!"

"............Marth?"

"Look who's the idiot now! He's also gone! Plus, he's a guy."

"Well, he looks like a girl......"

The Smashers ran around, trying to find the source of the scream. When it started to happen again, Mewtwo identified the source as Captain Falcon's room. They all stomped into his room.

"SQUISH IT!!!" Captain Falcon screamed, hopping from one foot to the other while pointing at an ant.

As you can imagine, sweat drops all around.

Ganondorf nudged Bowser's arm, and they both ran into Young Link's room. After scooping up tons of candy, they hid somewhere and ate it.

In the kitchen, more ants kept coming. Peach was running out of Raid. She started squishing ants with the can instead. More kept coming. Peach was forced to retreat.

_'I may have lost the battle, but I will not lose the war!!'_ Peach vowed, running into her room.

Captain Falcon made the mistake of walking in there. Upon seeing the masses of ants, he screamed.

"Falcooooon....PUNCH!!! Falcooooon......PUNCH!!!!" All this did was create gaping holes in the wall. As soon as humanly possible, Captain Falcon ran away as fast as he could, only to run into Peach on her way back to the battle.

She was wearing a soldier's uniform and helmet, and she had armed herself with several cans of hairspray, having run out of Raid. After kicking Captain Falcon out of her way, she ran into the kitchen.

"RAAAAAH!!!.........................AAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

And ran right back out. Her army clothes were ripped, and she was missing her helmet.

"Th-they're monsters...." She gasped. "Almost....didn't make.....it......" She collapsed into Mario's arms.

".....Does-a this-a mean-a you finally forgive me for the hanky-a?"

"...........What happened to my hanky!?!" Peach stood right back up, her battle wounds forgotten.

In another section of the house, Pikachu had finally finished his blueprints. The blueprints that had taken him so long to complete. He was so much closer to his plans for the tournament now, so much closer! His throat tightened with excitement whenever he thought about it.

Bowser and Ganondorf stumbled into the room.

".......Pika?"

"Oohh....I don't feel so good......" Ganondorf barfed on Pikachu's blueprints.

"KA!!!" His blueprints. His beautiful, carefully made, COMPLETED blueprints.

"Uughh....."

Pikachu glared at both Bowser and Ganodorf.

"Piiiiiiiiiiiiiii.........kaaaaaaaaaaa............"

_Outside the kitchen......_

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!"

"I-a swear-a, Peach, it-a was an accident-a!" Mario stammered.

"I TOLD you, it's old! It was ancient! It was an heirloom! And then you-you! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!"

Mario ran like heck.

Unnoticed by anyone, the ants continued to spread from the kitchen.

_3 PM........_

Master Hand floated into the house. If he had thought McDonald's was bad....

**Flashback:**

_At StarBuck's....._

_"May I take your order?"_

_"Uh, yeah, I want a double-choclate iced mocha viente with blue sprinkles and a biscotti." The customer said all this in less than two seconds._

_"..........." Master Hand started to slam himself against the counter._

**End Flashback.**

Master Hand wearily opened the door and floated in. He was greeted by one of the strangest sights ever.

Peach was chasing Mario, hitting him with her umbrella while screaming about a hanky.

Ganondorf ran through the room, waving the arm which an enraged Pikachu was biting.

Young Link was trying to hit Peach with his slingshot, screaming about how she killed his candy.

And Captain Falcon was screaming and hopping from one foot to the other while pointing at a trail of ants.

Master Hand slooooooooooowly backed out the door, away from the havoc. As he closed the door, Fox suddenly crashed through a window on the second story.

"OWwww.......Dangit, Bowser!!" He jumped out of the rosebush and ran back inside. "Ow, Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow......"

Master Hand decided that now would be the best time to intervene before there was any more property damage. He opened the door. Peach's umbrella smacked against him, leaving a very large bruise. He shut the door again, and backed away, wondering what to do.

Bowser crashed through a third-story window and landed on a rosebush, flattening the poor thing.

"Dangit, Fox!!!" He growled, limping back inside. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

Master Hand decided to take another shot at stopping the chaos. He opened the door.

"**DIE PEACH!!!!!**" A large rock hit Master Hand, leaving another nasty bruise. He quickly shut the door.

Falco crashed through a fourth-floor window. As he flew through the air towards the pool, he did several flips, and ended in a graceful dive. Dr. Mario (He doesn't show up much, does he?), lying on a pool chair, held up a 9.

"Dangit, guys!! The least you could do was warn me!!!" He ran back inside.

Master Hand decided to try getting inside again. He opened the door, then immediately flattened himself against the ground. Nothing was thrown at him. He sighed with relief.

"**RUN AWAAAAAAAAY!!!!!**" shrieked an ant-covered Captain Falcon. He trampled Master Hand and then did a running dive into the pool.

Dr. Mario held up a 6.

Master Hand lay where he was for a few seconds, the slowly floated into the air, injured and bruised. He slowly floated through the door.

Mario and Peach sat on the couch, watching tv. Apparently, they had made up. Pikachu, muttering curses in his little pika-language, was working on a blueprint.

Mewtwo was moving a sick, unconscious, slightly scorched Ganondorf upsatirs with the help of his powers. They were halfway up the stairs when Crazy Hand appeared.

'_Oh no.....'_

He caught sight of Master Hand, and charged down the stairs. Mewtwo's normally impassive face was now clearly expressing his fright and shock. (He looked like this! O.O) Mewtwo abandoned Ganondorf and raced down the stairs. Crazy Hand quickly caught up to him and slapped Mewtwo out of the way. He raced over to where Master Hand was, and tackled him.

"Dangit, Crazy!!!"

Then Crazy Hand spotted the open door, and dashed outside.

"NO!! Bad Crazy! BAD!!!"

Crazy Hand continued to fly down the street. Master Hand was too tired to chase after him, so he looked for someone else who could go after him. Seeing Fox, he grabbed him.

"If you come back without Crazy, I will fry you with my lazers, shoot you with my little finger rocket things, and then punch you!!!" He threw Fox as hard as he could after Crazy Hand. Amazingly, Fox landed right on Crazy's back.

"Stop!!"

Crazy Hand continued to speed down the street.

Fox tried to get Crazy to turn at least, but he wasn't strong enough to. He considered jumping off and walking back, but then he remembered what Master Hand had said. He decided that it would be best to wait until Crazy Hand was tired, then he'd drag him back home.

Master Hand, back at the mansion, collapsed onto the couch, causing Peach and Mario to get thrown off.

Zelda shook her head.

_'First Roy. Then Marth and Samus. Now Fox and Crazy.'_ She thought it over, and decided that the best thing to do was to get some help in finding them.

_Aboard the Justice League Satellite......._

Flash answered the phone as soon as he heard it.

"Yo."

"Yes, I'm Zelda, and I need your help...."

Flash was distracted from the phone call after seeing something........weird. A strange, skinny little midget was flying past the window.

".....and they went to search for him, and now THEY've gone missing too, we haven't heard from them in a while..."

The skinny midget flew into the telephone wire. It snapped, and the phone in Flash's hand went dead. He hung it up, and decided that the best thing to do was act like he had seen nothing.

_Back at the mansion......_

"Hmmph! The least he could've done was say good-bye...." Zelda, feeling hungry, stomped into the kitchen, intending to get something to eat. Then she saw the ants. Everywhere. The walls and floor were black, there was so many of them.

"Zelda? What's wrong?" Link called from the other room.

"I think we need to call pest control."

"Why? It's just a few an-**WHOAH!!!!!**" Link stared into the kitchen.

A bandaged Mewtwo floated past them. He had sensed their extreme shock, so he floated back to see what was up.

".......You need to call pest control."

Half an hour later, the exterminatiors arrived. They wore plastic suits and cowboy hats. They also carried giant spray guns.

"Dang!!"

"That's a lotta ants..."

"Can you get rid of them?"

"Sure thang, li'l lady." The leader assured her in his fake Texan accent. He and the others ran in.

"Yeeeee-haaaw!!!"

"Let's git 'em!!"

Ten minutes later, screams punctured the air. The Smashers all rushed to see what was going on. In the center of the kitchen, a giant ant with a crown on it's head was eating the exterminators.

"My, my, those bloody rogues don't taste good at all!" the giant ant exclaimed in a British voice.

"It's the Queen!!"

"We're all doomed!!" Captain Falcon whimpered.

The Queen Ant saw them.

"They look delicious! Go get them, my duckies, and bring them back for me to eat!"

As one, the Smashers screamed. As one, they all ran up the stairs screaming like little girls. As one, they shoved each other out of the way. As one, they all freaked out.

The ants steadily marched after them.

**_End of the Chappie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

Narrarator voice: The ants steadily march after our heroes, following the orders of their queen. Will the Smashers be able to stop them? And we saw Roy get thrown into a pit of rabid fangirls. What will happen to him? Will Samus and Marth make it to the secret lair in time to save him!?!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Probably not.

Narrarator: And will Goku make it to Super Sayan 5!?!Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!!!!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: O.o

Narrarator: Oops, wrong page.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: O.o Yeah, I don't think I need you here anymore. Bye.

Narrarator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yeeeeeeeeeees.

Steve: (burps up what looks like a piece of a Doubt-Bringer's cloak) Want me to go after him?

DarkWarLordofDoomness: If he doesn't leave now.....

Narrarator: (gone)

DarkWarLordof Doomness: Okay! Hopefully, I'll update this soon! Until then......REVIEW!!!


	9. The MarySue Money Manager

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Okay, I have decided that I've been updating this waaaaaaaay too slowly. I seem to have this system going. Update, slack off for several weeks, update something else, slack off, upate this. I need to get on my butt and type!! Although, believe it or not, I have several excuses, and good ones at that. Stress, going to my great-grandma's computerless house for two days, doctor's appointment the day after that.....I got THREE shots, people. A needle was stuck into my arm, not once, not twice, three times. And it hurts like crazy. And now I have the hiccups to top it all off. Evile. Very, very, very evile, indeed. But , for the moment, I am nice. And you get your chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I disclaim already!! Why do you taunt me!?!? Why do you make me do this?!? I'm a (semi) good person!! Sort of.....I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!!

**_Chapter 9: The Mary-Sue Money Manager_**

The Smashers charged up the stairs, pursued by an army of ants. There was really nothing they could do BUT run, for if they tried to turn and fight, well....

"**TAKE THIS!! AND THIS!!**" Peach smashed ants right and left with her parasol. The ants only ran faster and swarmed around her. She fought bravely, but was swept away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Mario screamed.

"YEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!" chorused the ants in squeaky voices.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Mario responded.

"YEEEEEES!!!!!!!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"N-" Mario stopped mid-word and looked around. The rest of the Smashers were long gone. "Er.....Buh-bye-a!!" He ran as fast as his short plumber legs could run. The ants ran after him, climbing over eachother in their haste to serve their queen. This meant that there was a literal wall of ants climbing up the stairs after Mario. He was going to make it to the top of the stairs, he had a head start. Then the worst possible thing that could happen in this situation happened.

His shoes became untied.

"Mario!! KEEP RUNNING!!" Yoshi screamed from the top of the stairs. The little dinosaur, the one who in previous Mario games ran away as soon as he was hit, was bravely staying behind to help Mario. As soon as the plumber reached the top of the stairs, of course. There was no way Yoshi would run towards that wall of ants.

"But-a the laces willa get wrecked-a!!" Mario yelled back.

"There is a wall of ants coming after you, AND YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT YOUR SHOE LACES!?!?! **RUN**!!!!"

Mario stared apprehensively at his shoes, then up at Yoshi jumping and waving his arms. He hesitated, then started to tie his shoe.

"NO!!! BAD!!!" Yoshi screamed. "THE ANTS, YOU **IDIOT**, THE ANTS!!!!"

"One-a minute!" Mario finished tying his left shoe, and started to tie his right.

"YOU DON'T HAVE A MINUTE! THE ANTS ARE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!"

"Oh yea-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!" Mario was carried away.

"**NOOOOOOOO-**"

"Do we really have to start this up again?" The ants chorused. "If you don't mind, we're trying to feed our queen here."

Yoshi was immediately ashamed at his bad manners. "Oh, I'm sorry!" He apologised. "Is it okay if I run now?" He was an avid reader of the Miss Manners column.

"Go ahead, but do try to slow down a tad. We have at least two dozen more people to chase and capture."

"Okay!" Yoshi started to run in slow motion. The ants ran up and caught him. He was dragged away screaming. That quickly proved to be a bad idea, since some of the ants got in his mouth. He quickly shut up. He felt something wriggling on his tongue, and swallowed automatically. Actually, the ants weren't half bad. He'd eaten worse on the battlefield.

The ants continued to push him along. He was in a world of darkness, seeing nothing but the billions of ants surrounding him. (AN. Anyone grossed out yet? I am.) It was like a never-ending tunnel. Then he saw the light at the end.

The ants pushed him forward until his head was suddenly above the stream of ants. He looked around, noting how different the kitchen looked when everything was covered in ants.

"Tea?" The Queen Ant offered him a teacup.

"Er....sure." Yoshi took the steaming drink. The ants suddenly let him go. As he drank the tea, he saw Mario and Peach also appear. '_Why'd I get here first?'_

"Tea?" The Queen Ant handed teacups to the two.

Mario blinked. "You-a aren't-a going to eat-a us?"

"Goodness, no, that would be horrid!" The humongous ant looked horrified.

"You said you were going to eat us earlier!" Peach pointed out accusingly.

"I'm sorry, that was before I decided that the Atkins Diet could go to bloody hell." The Queen Ant sipped her tea, the ant equivalent of a pinky extended outward. "Those awful diets make you do the most astounding things. Sugar in your tea?"

"Yes, thank you!" Peach's princess upbringing quickly took over. The four continued to chat about random things that you talk about while drinking tea. It was a lovely, peaceful scene.

**_Elsewhere in the mansion....._**

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!**" Ganondorf ran up the final few stairs. The Smashers slammed the door shut and stuffed the cracks around the door with anything they could find. Clothes, curtains, paper, blankets, a stray cat....

"It's Dexter!" Bowser roared gleefully.

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!" Dexter the kitten sang.

"It's so CUTE!!!" Nana squealed.

"Meow meow meow-MEEEROW!!" Kirby ate it.

"You ate Dexter!!" Kirby burped up a tuft of ginger fur. The little kids, and Bowser as well, started to cry.

"Tastes like chicken." He squeaked happily. After this, the chibi Smashers were petty much traumatized for life. Bowser started sobbing.

Luigi, inspired to leadership in the absense of his brother, took charge. He thought for a moment. A lightbulb flickered into life above his head. "Okay-a, we all-a need to-a abandon the mansion until-a we-a can-"

"We need to take down those ants." Zelda took over Luigi's position of leadership. The lightbulb fell to the ground and burst into flame.

"PIKA!!! Pikachu chu cha kachu pika pika pi!!!"

"That might work...." Mewtwo mused. "Only, you would need someone to distract the ants by trying to attack the Queen Ant. It would be suicidal to do that, though...." Kirby burped up another tuft of fur.

"Any volunteers?"

Young Link, Nana, Popo, Ness, Pichu, and Bowser all tackled Kirby. Popo and Nana held Kirby's arms up.

"NOO!!!" Kirby squeaked."Nononononononononononononooooooo!!!!!!"

"Thank you for volunteering, Kirby."

"**CAN'T YOU FRIGGIN' HEAR ME!?!? I SAID NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!**"

"Anyone want to help Pikachu and Pichu with their part of the plan?"

Several people raised their hands.

"Okay. Now, we need someone to do this and that, and yadda yadda."

Everyone stood there, confused.

"Oh, did I actually say 'yadda yadda?'"

Everyone nodded.

"I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, we need someone to do this and that and blah blah blah. Any more volunteers?"

Everyone who hadn't volunteered for anything else raised their hands.

The plan was put into action.

Kirby was pushed out the door. "NO!!" he screamed as it was locked behind him. "Let me in! Let me in!!"

"Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!" Young Link yelled.

"You don't have ANY hair on your chinny-chin-chin! LINK doesn't have any hair on his chinny-chin-chin, and he's seventeen!! And he's gone through puberty!!"

"Now that was below the belt." Link muttered.

"You're still not coming in." Young Link told Kirby.

"Meanie!"

"Pinky!!" Ness yelled, eager to join in the insulting.

"Brain!!"

"Thanks!"  
Nana started to giggle. Pichu looked puzzled for a moment, then started to laugh squeakily.

"Why are you giggling?" Popo poked her, annoyed that he wasn't in on the joke.

"Kirby and Ness!" Nana paused, took a deep breath, giggled, and continued. "You know, that tv show? The pinky, the pinky and the brain, brain, brain, brain!!" She started laughing again.

"I don't see what's so funny." Kirby muttered angrily. _'I'm getting sent on a suicide mission, and they're all laughing at me. Well, fine then. I'll go down and attack the Queen Ant, and she'll eat me, and I'll die, and that'll show THEM!'_

He jumped down the stairs. The question was, how would he get past the wall of ants? Then Kirby looked out a window. That would do. He opened it, and jumped out. He floated down, and circled the house until he found a kitchen window. Her opened it, and yelled.

"HEY ANTS!! I'M HERE TO ATTACK THE QUEEN!!!!!" The message spread like wildfire through the troops. _'On second thought, bad idea.'_ The ants on the stairs turned around, intent on protecting the Queen from any intruders.

"They've turned around!!" Ness shouted to Zelda.

"Okay, we've got to hurry then."

Mewtwo, Luigi, Pikachu, Bowser, Pichu, and Captain Falcon ran (or floated) down the stairs after the retreating ants. They dashed into the garage. Pikachu ran over to a huge thing covered with a sheet. He yanked off the sheet.

"Okay, how come I didn't notice that?!?"

Pikachu unveiled the giant lazer constructed out of floss, three toasters, a microwave, around eight hairdryers, and other assorted items.

"So THAT'sa where Peach'sa hairdryers have-a gone....."

"Pikachu pika kachu."

"Mewtwo?"

"He'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her."

"Oh. Don'ta worry-a, I saw how she reacted-a when Mario-a told her-a aboutta her hanky-a. I'm notta telling." Luigi reassured Pikachu.

Bowser and Captain Falcon both lifted the lazer, and tried to carry it into the house. It wouldn't fit through the door.

"Maybe we should-a bring it outta the garage door-a and-"

"Hey."

"What?"

"I just realized, Master Hand disappeared."

"Huh. You're right-a. Where is-a he?"

**_In Las Vegas......._**

Master Hand put a quarter in one of the slot machines. The little thingies started to spin. They landed on L.......OS.....ER..........'_Huh?!?' _Master Hand angrily threw the stupid machine through a window. He vaguely wondered whether Crazy had returned home, and whether or not the Smashers had been eaten. All semblence of concern was driven from his mind as he saw the poker table.

_'I can stay a little longer....'_

_**Back At the Mansion......**_

"Who knows. I bet the ants got him."

"Right-a. As-a I was-a saying, we should-a bring the lazer outta through the garage and-a then......"

Mewtwo blasted the door, creating a gaping hole in the wall.

"Or-a you could-a do that....."

Bowser and Captain Falcon carried it through the hallway, until they reached the kitchen door. Pikachu grabbed the joystick (made from a spoon) and aimed the lazer at the Queen Ant.

"..it's so lovely to meet you, Kirby. More tea?"

"Yes please!" Kirby chirped.

"As I was saying, I think that people are so rude when it comes to rank. I'm a princess, but does anyone care? Noooooo, they punch me just like anyone else..."

"Peach-a, inna fight, they're-a supposed to punch you-a, or else-a they can'ta win....." Mario was bored out of his mind. And all that tea was making him need to go on a trip to thre bathroom.

"Well, yeah, they should just let ME win. Now, your majesty, what are the fashions like in London right now?"

"Well, the current style is to have your antennae curled. And there are some darling dresses that would look just lovely on you."

"Why, thank you!" Mario was in a state of mind-numbing boredom. He lifted the cup of tea to his face, and, instead of putting it to his lips, he accidentally lifted it to his forehead, and smashed the cup against his head.

'_Someone.......help......me....'_

A blue lazer beam tore through the room, barely missing the Queen Ant, and taking out half the kitchen with it.

"DANGIT!!"

"Pikachu, let me aim!"

Peach sat where she was, stunned. "What?"

Mario jumped up. "I'm-a saved-a!!"

When the smoke cleared, they all saw the lazer. And the gaping hole it had turned the doorway into. Mario ran through the hole, down the hallway, and into the bathroom.

There was another explosion, and the dust cleared to reveal Zelda, Link, Young Link, the Ice Climbers, Ganondorf, Ness, Jigglypuff, Dr. Mario, Falco, Mr. Game&Watch, and DK. And yet another gaping hole in the wall. They all rushed in, and started squishing, smashing, crunching, flattening, obliterating, blasting, squashing, terminating, punching, kicking, destroying, and exterminating the ants. Pichu pushed Pikachu out of the way and aimed the lazer at the Queen Ant. Peach, horrified, stepped in the way.

"**PICHU! PIPICHU?**!?!"

"What are you doing?" Mewtwo translated.

"What does it look like?! I'm protecting the Queen Ant! She's nice, and sweet, and English!"

"She tried to eat us!!" Link yelled. Mr. Game&Watch stopped hitting ants with his prying pan long enough to beep in agreement. DK, after punching several ants on the wall (and making more holes) grunted.

"She was on the Atkin's Diet! Her brain was deprived of carbs! You don't act rationally when you're on the Atkin's Diet!!"

"It's true." piped up Kirby.

Pichu took her finger off the 'FIRE' button.

Mario came out of the bathroom. "Anyone who wants-a the Queen Anta to remain-a here-a, raise your hand-a."_'Maybe Peach will forget about the hanky incident....'_

After a brief period of thought, they all raised their hands.

"Welcome-a, Queen Anta, you are-a the newest-a Smasher-a!"

There was a brief round of applause, and Peach hugged first Mario, then the Queen Ant. The Queen Ant dabbed at her eyes with a hanky.

"You're all such wonderful duckies! It is so lovely of you all to welcome me he-"

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!**

The Queen Ant suddenly exploded, covering all of the Smashers with bug guts. Peach stood there, shocked. The Queen Ant's smoking crown fell into her outstretched arms. The smoked cleared, revealing two things.

One, the kitchen was pretty much destroyed.

Two, there was a beautiful girl standing about three yards away. She was the only thing not covered in ant guts. She smiled at them, revealing perfect teeth.

"Hi! My name is Mary-Sue! I'm your new money manager!"

**_At a far-away Longs...._**

Samus rubbed her aching head. Several verses of a song popped into her head.

_There's a dead end to my left, and a burning bush, to my right....you aren't in sight...._

'_Let's revise that a bit to fit the situation, shall we? There's an old guy to my left, and a crying baby, to my right. Marth is in sight.....'_

Samus leaned over to the side a bit, and craned her head around the fat woman with the crying baby. She squinted, trying to see to the front of the line. She thought she could, barely. Just barely. Next to her, Marth was trying not to look at the guy wearing clashing colors several people behind them. Then (AT LAST!!) the line moved!! Samus gladly stepped forward two inches.

They were in the dreaded pharmacy line.

Samus mentally pleaded with the people ahead of them to move. She had been in this line for hours, waiting to get Marth's allergy pills. You'd think that you could get Allegra in the regular medecine aisle, but noooooo, someone's stupid kid had to overdose on the stuff. Some stupid politician decided that the stores would have to be more responsible. Some stupid person decided to make some other idiot run the cash register. Some stupid idiot with blue hair had decided that he just couldn't simply buy a lot of tissue and suck it up.

"Well, you know, I needed to refill my prescription anyway. I figured I could get it done now...." Marth said, timidly. Samus turned and **growled** at him. A Samus with a headache was a dangerous Samus. A tired Samus was a dangerous Samus. An impatient Samus waiting in line was a dangerous Samus. All of the above made for a lethal time-bomb that could be set off by the smallest vibration.

Marth made a little "eep" and edged away from her. He found himself wishing, for the millionth time, that he was at home. Home was safe. '_Sort of.' _Home was peaceful. '_When things aren't exploding_.' Home was where he was Marth the hottie, Marth the bishounen, Marth the impressive, Marth the wonderful. He certainly wasn't humiliating himself in front of a girl he liked at home. He certainly wasn't turning her into a ticking time-bomb at home. Nope. Not at home. He thought that he could impress Samus by running in and heroically saving his best friend. He hadn't thought that he'd be reduced to a nervous wreck on a mountain, or that he'd go somewhere filled to the stinkin' brim with those damn poppies. He hadn't expected his nose to turn into Niagra Falls. He hadn't meant to make Samus miserable. But it happened anyway.

_'Smooth move, Marth. Think you can mess things up more, while you're at it?!?!?'_

Miserably, Marth looked anywhere and at anything but Samus at the moment. He decided to stare at the guy wearing a dark, hooded cloak. Such an ugly cloak. Didn't the guy have any decency? And he was talking on a cell phone. So rude. And he was raising his voice in that annoying way people sometimes did.

"Yeah!! Uh-huh! Well, I'M IN LINE AT THE PHARMACY RIGHT NOW! HUH!?!? WHAT DID YOU SAY?!? OH, THAT RED HEAD GUY!! He was thrown into a pit of rabid fangirls. I said, A PIT OF RABID FANGIRLS!! You seriously need to quit ditchin' work, man. You'll never get Employee of the Month at this rate. Yeah, I think he's called.....something. Rhymes with boy....."

Marth stuck a finger into his ear. Had he just heard that? Or was he hallucinating?

_'No, I can't be. Redhead, tortured by getting throwninto a pit of rabid fangirls, name rhymes with boy.....just needs one more detail, and I will KNOW it's Roy.....'_

He need to be sure. It would be pretty embarassing to attack someone in public when they hadn't done anything.....

"What? WHAT?? Oh, he's definately a bishounen, but he's very short. I SAID HE'S SHORT!!!! Jeez, listen....."

_'Short. Oh yeah, that's Roy all right.'_ Marth drew his sword and pushed several people aside.

Samus' head was throbbing. Maybe she shouldn't have growled at Marth, but, at the moment, she was **not** in a good mood. Then, from up ahead, there were loudly voiced complaints making her headache worse. She charged up her blaster, preparing to blast whoever was causing the noise.

'_Say, wouldn't that be WHOMever?' _The annoying little voice in her head piped up. Samus mentally envisioned crushing that little voice, hitting it and blasting it into oblivion. The voice quickly shut up.

She pushed several people out of her way, and saw....MARTH!?!?! He was yelling at some weird guy in a black cloak. The cloaked guy kept yelling back and pointing to his cell phone. Finally, the cloaked guy yelled "I'LL CALL YOU BACK!!" into the phone, and turned to face Marth.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?" the guy yelled. "Oops, erm, sorry. What do you want?" He said again, this time in a deep, menacing voice.

"Where's Roy?!" Marth yelled.

The cloaked guy snapped his fingers. "Dude, THAT's the name I was trying to remember! Hold on, I need to tell my friend!" He pulled out his cell phone. There was a flash of steel, and half the cell phone fell to the floor. The cloaked guy stared at it dumbly.

"Dude....you are sooooo paying for that."

"You are soooooo telling me where Roy is!" Marth pointed his sword at the cloaked guy. Next to him, Samus also pointed her blaster at the guy.

_'So this guy knows where Roy is, eh?'_ Her headache had magically disappeared.

The cloaked guy stared from Marthto Samus, and then back to Marth. He grinned, though they couldn't see it, and prepared to throw a ball of energy at them.

"**STOOOOOOOP!!!!!**" A man wearing a green uniform ran towards them. "Longs Patrol!" He puffed out his chest. "Here to stop chaos and shoplifting! To protect the innocent spenders! Here to point out great deals! And, most importantly, to stop cutting!" The rather portly man took out a baton. "And you, sirs, were cut-" He was interrupted by a blast from Samus' blaster.

"I. Am. Not. A. SIR!!!!"

"Uh, Samus?"

"WHAT!?! Are you saying that girls can't wear robotic armor in public without being mistaken for guys!?!"

"No, I'm saying the cloaked guy's running away."

"Oh." They started to run after him, but the jerk already had a big head start. Well, he did, until.....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Crazy Hand crashed through the wall, with poor Fox on his back, and ran over the cloaked guy. He saw Marth and Samus, and ran around in a circle, then stopped with a screech.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!" Fox flew off Crazy Hand and over the pharmacy counter. He landed with a very large crash.

The cloaked guy tried to get up, but stopped when he felt Marth's blade against his throat.

"Where's Roy?"

"Um......hold on, I need, like, mapquest to find the secret base from here."

_'Secret base?!? Oh, geez.....'_

Samus ran over to the counter, and found Fox lying on a medicine shelf.

"You okay?"

Fox lifted his head, sloooooooooooooowly. There was a large bump on his head. A container of pills was lodged in his mouth. He glared at her, then jumped to his feet and walked away with as much dignity as he could muster. Then he stepped on another little container of pills, and fell flat on his face. Dignity gone. He stood up, and started gagging. Samus ran up and slapped him on the back. He coughed up the container. It rolled over to Marth.

"My allergy pills!!" Marth picked up the container. He tried to open it, unsuccessfully. "Stupid child-proof caps...."

"Hey mister! You having trouble opening that?"

"Yeah..." Marth blinked at the little boy. The kid took the container, opened it, and handed it back.

"Thanks." The boy smiled, and then vanished into the crowd as only random people unimportant to the plot can. Marth stared after him for a while, and then looked into the container.

"What is it?" Samus raised an eyebrow.

"I don't need them right now, though....." Marth put the cap back on.

"Um...help....." The cloaked guy was obviously scared. Crazy Hand was floating around him, cackling evilly.

"Where's the secret lair-thingy?"

"Urm.....it's two miles that way, and then you turn that way, and then you go through this tunnel thingy, and you'll be there....I think......"

Crazy Hand started to scream "PINEAPPLES!!!!!!" as loudly as he could.

"GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!" The cloaked guy screamed.

"Let's go. We've wasted too much time."

"Can I go home?" Fox asked Samus.

"........No."

**_An Hour Later...._ **

Fox, Samus, Marth, and Crazy Hand stood in front of a huge tunnel.

"Think this is it?" Fox shrugged.

"Someone needs to go in first, look around, then come out and get us."

"How about no."

"Fine then."

"I say we go in stealthily." Crazy Hand shrieked and flew into the tunnel.

"Well, so much for that."

**_In the lair......_**

The gray-cloaked leader laughed evilly. His laughter was loud and evil, and echo-ey because of the nature of his lair.

"Are you gonna stop laughing anytime soon?"

"Excuse me?!" The leader stopped his evil laughter and narrowed his red, glowing eyes at the foolish minion.

"Well, you've been laughing for almost two days straight. We were wondering if you were sick or something...."

"Well, I'm not laughing anymore, am I!?!"

"Hey, don't get mad at me, your brother told me to..."

"Go away."

"What!?!"

"You're fired."

"No way! You can't do that!"

"I'm a bad guy. Of course I can."

"I'm gonna tell the Minion's Union on you!" The minion ran away, sobbing.

"Stupid union...ah, well. Let's see...." The leader took out his handheld. "Schedule....laugh evilly....did that....go to doctor's for tetanus shot...." He paused and deleted that.".....ah! Pick on little brother! Perfect timing." He ran down the tunnel. His billowing cloak made him almost appear to glide. His quick footsteps echoed back as he searched for his little brother. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he was walking in circles.

_'Note to self: get maps installed in tunnels.'_ He peeked into another room. He recognized it as the Rabid Fangirl Pit Room.

_'Note to self: come up with a better name for this room.'_

He walked over to the edge of the pit, and glanced in. Torturing the prisoner, torturing his little brother, both were fun enough. Granted, he didn't have to deal with the insanity of the rabid fangirls when torturing his little brother. He scanned the pit, then spotted Roy. He announced his arrival with an evil laugh.

Roy tried to turn his head to glare at the evil-leader-person, but the fangirl obsessively brushing his hair wouldn't let him.

"More tea, Roy?" Tiffany the Rabid Fangirl poured some tea into a pink plastic cup then tried to make Roy drink it.

"NO! I SAID THAT THE LAST FIFTY TIMES!!"

"Tee-hee! You're soooooo, like, kawaii! SEE!" She snarled at the rabid fangirl combing Roy's hair. "I am, like, totally more Japanese-y than you! Roy loves ME more!"

"No, you are soooooooo not!" Jennifer snarled back. "Roy's letting me brush his hair!"

_'Not like I have any choice....'_ Roy was tied to a pink chair. Jennifer pulled him away from Tiffany. Tiffany lept into the air and tackled Jennifer. Jennifer yanked at Tiffany's hair. While they were fighting, a rabid fangirl named Dawn dragged Roy away from them. Then she sat down, and just gazed adoringly at him. At first, Roy thought this was an improvement from Jennifer and Tiffany, but when the girl didn't even blink, he started to get really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really creeped out.

He tried staring back. That didn't work. He turned, and glared at the grey-cloaked leader.

"I hate you so much."

"Well, you know, you could end the torture if you just gave me some information......"

Roy turned and stared at the girl who was staring at him. Was it his imagination, or were her eyes growing larger?

"What sort of information?"

"On a piece of paper, write down your favorite color, favorite music, stuff like that.A cousin of mine won't leave me alone until I give her your autograph."

Roy's eye twitched. "You mean, I endured TWO sleepless days of being thrown around like a stuffed doll, getting half my hair yanked from my scalp, watching my cape get shredded up, and being force-fed nasty tea from pink plastic cups, ALL BECAUSE YOUR COUSIN WANTS MY AUTOGRAPH!?!?!"

"She's a very annoying cousin."

"Okay, get me outta here!!!!"

"Minions, get him out of there!"

Silence.

"MINIONS!!?!

Silence.

Then complete havoc as Roy's rescuers arrived.

Samus fired several blasts at the leader guy.

Crazy Hand flew through the air, twitching and laughing maniacally. In other words, he was no help.

Fox did a slow motion dive while firing his blaster.

Marth jumped into the rabid fangirl pit to save Roy. This was a bad idea because:

1) It's filled with rabid fangirls.

2)He is a bishounen. They are rabid fangirls.

3) It's a pit. How are you going to get out??

4) IT'S FILLED WITH RABID FANGIRLS!!!!

Marth shrieked as the rabid fangirls swarmed around him. Soon, he was also tied to a pink chair, and rabid fangirls fought eachother trying to get close enough to touch his hair.

The leader guy looked around, desperately dodging Samus' missiles, and then saw the ultimate weapon. He grabbed a pair of fluffy pink earmuffs, and jammed them on his head. He ran over to the giant stereo, the same one that had sent out the music that had killed the Reporter, and turned it on.

_**END CHAPPIE 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

DarkWarlordofDoomness: BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! An extra long chappie, with a cliffhanger!!! (continues evil laughter)

StevetheEvilTomato: O.O


	10. Tis Chapter Ten!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Okay, I am finally going to update now. I'm really sorry for making you all wait so long. I was in a school play, and rehearsal took up several hours almost every day after school. But, now it's over and done with forever (cry cry) so now I don't have anything really taking up my free time anymore. Well, nothing besides therapy. :D I have no social life once more! Yay! Wait, is being in a club considered being 'social'? If so, then I have a very small one. GASP! I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE!

StevetheEvilTomato: No you don't. You don't even have a life.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yes I do!

Steve: You spent the last week doing nothing but watching internet cartoons and printing anime pictures off the internet when you got home!

DarkWarLordofDoomness:...So?

Steve: That is not a life. That's a tragedy.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Well, it's nice to see that **you're** feeling better.

Steve: If I wasn't after a month of doing next to nothing, I'd be concerned.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (sighs) On to the disclaimer...stupid lawyers. They've been stalking me, I swear...

_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing, I swear.

Just a stick with which to poke,

and my patented death glare.

Other than that, I'm broke.

Now, as for today,

what will the Smashers do?

What rabid fangirls will they slay?

And what of Mary Sue?

If you are full of curiousity,

Just go ahead and read,

But if you dare to flame me,

I will make you bleed. (A lot.)

**_Chapter Ten:_** **_Behold thy Doom, Mortals!_**

Time seemed to freeze as the grey-cloaked Leader turned on the cassette player. Marth, Roy, Fox, Crazy Hand, Samus and the rabid fangirls watched with horror, not knowing what vile sound would come out and kill them painfully.

"..."

Nothing. The cloaked Leader removed the soundproof earmuffs, correctly judging that there was no sound by the lack of horrific pain on everyone's faces.

"Aw, crap, I forgot to rewind. I keep telling him he needs to get the CD, but noooo..."

The guy pressed the rewind button. Samus saw her chance. She tackled the leader guy and slammed him against the wall, effectively stunning him.

The Leader stared at her in astonishment. "You can't do that."

"Do what?"

"Attack me while I'm preparing my attack. Haven't you ever watched DragonBallZ?"

"I've watched some of it while baby-sitting Young Link and Ness. Don't really do that much now."

"Your loss. It's a good show."

"Please. Most of the episodes are nothing but guys with overly large muscles screaming while floating in the air."

"Is not."

"Is too. Plus, the creator drags things out so that each enemy takes thirty episodes to defeat. If the guys just attacked while some idiot was charging up, the battles would end a lot sooner. Plus, no one who dies stays dead. It's annoying, and desensitizes the audience to character death and pain. If you watch the episode in Wolf's Rain where Toboe dies, chances are you, or your friend, will cry. If you watch the DBZ episode where Goku dies, people just say 'Dude. He died.' No one cares. Oh, and the Saiyans keep getting so powerful, all of the other characters are just shoved aside to be a part of the backround, people to go, 'GASP! Did he just pull off that incredibly powerful move?'" Samus finished her rant, and everyone in the room blinked.

"Is it just me, or has Samus been watching too much tv lately?" Roy asked. The rabid fangirl next to him started to sob. Roy blinked, and slowly edged away.

"Why did Toboe have to die?" One rabid fangirl shrieked. "Why couldn't he live?"

"Toboe dies!" Tiffany the Rabid Fangirl gasped. "Nooo...but I like Toboe! He can't die!" One by one, all the rabid fangirls started to cry.

"See!" Samus poked the grey-cloaked leader. "If you so much as mention Toboe's death," Samus paused as the rabid fangirls wailed, "then they start crying. I doubt they'd do that for Goku." One of the fangirls stopped crying.

"Goku? From Saiyuki?"

"No. Goku from DBZ."

"Oh. I don't like him. He's ugly. Vegeta, however..." Everyone else gagged.

"Hey, anyone notice how, in the series, Vegeta starts out really short, then in GT, he's a lot taller? Did he have a growth spurt or something while in his forties?" The Leader pointed out.

"When did this turn into a conversation about DBZ? Weren't we fighting?"

"Oh, right." Samus aimed her blaster at the Leader's head. His glowing red eyes widened with pure terror. "Geez, am I really that scary?" He stared past her. Samus turned.

The cassette tape was done rewinding. And Crazy Hand was moving towards it, acting like he was about to press the 'play' button.

"Crazy Hand! **NO!**"

"Crazy, you step away from that cassette player this instant!" Fox screamed as Crazy Hand moved closer.

"**CRAZY! BAD! BAD! BAD HAND**!"

"He's not a dog, you know."

"Okay, okay. **CRAZY, IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY FROM THERE RIGHT NOW I WILL SMACK YOU WITH A ROLLED-UP NEWSPAPER!**"

Crazy moved even closer.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

He picked it up and crushed it.

"Oh."

"Curses!" cursed the leader. At that moment, his little brother entered. The Leader's expression (well, you can only see his red, glowing eyes) was one of pure shock. "What the heck are you wearing?"

"I'm gangsta now, yo!" The Leader's little brother was wearing extremely baggy pants and a heavy gold chain on over his black cloak. He made the symbol for 'west side' with his fingers.

"YOU CAN'T BE 'GANGSTA!' YOU'RE THE YOUNGER BROTHER OF AN EVIL VILLAIN!"

"Shut up, bee-yotch." The Leader gaped at his younger brother. When he finally found his voice, it was shrill and not at all like his usual evil, deep, dark voice.

"How **dare** you say that to me! I'm going to tell Mom-"

"Yo' momma!"

"Well, yeah, she **is **my momma! And she's your mom, too, and you better apologise because she is going to ground you and-"

"No one is grounding me!" The little brother crossed his arms. "That's what mah tattoo says."

"**YOU GOT A TATTOO!**"

The Leader's younger brother smiled. A gold tooth glinted.

"**YOU GOT A GOLD TOOTH!**" The Leader was hysterical now. "**IF MOM FINDS OUT, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I'LL BE IN?**"

"Well, you'll just have to wait one manizzle bizzle shizzle. I'm going to listen to some dope rap, dawg."

"**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!**"

"Word." His little brother crossed his arms and nodded his head.

"I'm doomed..." the Leader slumped to the ground. "Just kill me now, before my mom comes."

"We're not going to kill you." Samus said. "Sue the crap out of you maybe, but kill you? No way."

"I'm East Side, yo!" The Leader's brother made the symbol for 'West Side.' Then he walked over to where his shattered cassette player was. He blinked. "Yo, dawg, what happened to my cassette player?"

"It was crushed, stupid." The Leader replied dully.

"Now don't you call me stupid, you _bleep_ing _bleep bleep bleep bleep bleeeeeeeeep_!"

The rabid fangirls fought over who would get to cover Roy and Marth's ears.

"Doomed..." The Leader held his face in his hands.

"Oh, well. Now I have an excuse to get a pimped-out new sound system. Where's mah posse!"

"You don't have a posse."

"Can I borrow yours then?"

"They're not my posse, they're my minions!"

"Whatever." The Leader's brother left. There was an awkward silence.

"Um...I guess we'll be leaving now..." Samus edged towards the exit. Crazy Hand removed Marth and Roy from the Rabid Fangirl Pit (he had to fry a few rabid fangirls, but no one cares). They all ran out of the room quickly. As they ran down the hall, they heard an older, female version of The Leader's voice echoing after them.

"**WHAT THE HECK IS CLARENCE WEARING?**"

"Mom, I swear, I-"

"**DON'T SWEAR!**"

"Mom-"

"**DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE AWAY YOUR INTERNET PRIVELEGES!**"

Then they reached a bend in the tunnel, and could no longer make out the words. But I can assure you that The Leader got a sound scolding, plus the removal of his internet and evil privileges.

"I am SO glad that's all over with." Roy grinned once they were outside. "I swear, if I have to put up with **one** more person brushing my hair for me, I will..." He made several violent gestures.

"Right, so how do we get home?" Samus groaned inwardly after she said this. They would walk, of course. And spend **days **doing so.

Fox looked from Samus to Marth to Roy, and then looked at Crazy Hand. A grin spread across his face. "I have an idea..."

_At the nearby (and conveniently placed) town..._

"The Subway!" Fox proclaimed, striking a heroic pose.

"Why didn't we take this on our way to rescue Roy?" Samus asked, staring at the subway-car.

"Because it was built yesterday."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. See, it's even in the newspaper." Marth said, pointing to the newspaper Roy held.

"It is?" Samus grabbed the paper from Roy. "..."

"What?" said Marth and Roy at the same time.

"Guys, this newspaper is more than twenty years old."

"Oh."

"Well, that would explain why it kept talking about KISS as being the 'newest big thing.'" said Marth. Everyone got on the Subway car, sat down, and waited as it took them back home.

_1 hour later..._

"Crazy Hand, for the last time, SIT!"

"Hey Samus, is **this** our stop?"

"No Roy, we have another ten or so hours."

"Holy crap."

"My thoughts exa-CRAZY! Let the bum sleep! Still, it's better than walking for days through the country. **CRAZY! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BUGGING THE SLEEPING BUMS**!" Crazy left the bum alone, and floated over to where an old lady was trying to read a Bible. She looked up, and saw Crazy Hand.

"Tis the hand of the Lord, here to guide me to Heaven!"

Samus walked over and smacked Crazy with a twenty-year-old-newspaper (to the shock of the old lady). "Are you senile? He's a sentient, talking, floating hand, not a dying vision."

"Is this our stop, Samus?" Fox asked this time.

"Has it been ten or so hours?"

"I don't know, I don't have a watch."

"Here's a hint: no."

"Is he alive?" Roy poked a bum with his sword.

"Ow!"

"He is."

"What, Crazy?" Crazy was acting oddly. He kept hopping up and down, with two of his fingers crossed.

"I think he needs to use the bathroom."

"...You have **got** to be kidding me..."

They got off on the next stop. Fox walked around, looking for the bathrooms. "Okay, here's a map..." He muttered. "You are here. Who puts that sticker on there? How do they know where they are without a map telling them where they are?" He blinked, feeling a slight sense of deja vu. Shrugging it off, he looked for the bathroom on the map. "Okay, so we walk until we see a drinking fountain, then we turn left, then right, then left, then right, then right again, then left. Easy." With Crazy Hand tagging along, he started to walk.

Samus, meanwhile, had the task of protecting two bishounen from the local fangirls. Very difficult seeing as how she was outnumbered, and Marth and Roy were too traumatized from their time in the rabid fangirl pit to be any help. For lack of a better idea, she shoved them both into a Superman-esque telephone booth, squeezed herself in, and closed the door.

"Ogay, 'y id oo do thah!" Roy said indignantly, his face smushed against the glass. He winced as several fangirls slammed themselves against the phone booth.

"I didn't have any better ideas, and this way I can call the Smashers for help."

"Nice. Do you have any money?"

Samus checked her suit. "Nope."

"Then just call collect. They won't mind."

"Okay then." Samus dialed their home number.

_At the Smash Mansion..._

"I **hate **her! Hate, I tell you, **HATE**!" Zelda ranted to a sympathetic Peach. "That...that... **tramp **has been flirting with Link every chance she gets!"

"She's pure evil." agreed Peach.

"We have to stop her! She's been poisoning their minds! She's more evil than Ganondorf!"

"And Bowser!"

"Combined!" announced Young Link, stomping in and startling Zelda and Peach.

"Young Link, why aren't you drooling over, I mean, um, playing outside?"

"Because I've been trying to bug Link about his crush on Mary Sue. But he just ignores me and keeps on drooling over her. I tried to annoy Ganondorf, but it's the same thing." A smug grin grew on Peach's face just as Zelda grew furious at Link.

"You owe me those earrings."

"What?"

"Remember? The bet? About whether or not Ganondorf was...?"

"Oh, yeah. Crap. I was sure he..."

"Well, he fell for **her**, didn't he? That proves it."

"Damnit. I like those earrings, too."

"Pay up." Young Link looked from Peach to Zelda, confused.

"What were you betting on?"

"You're too young, you won't get it. Anyways..." The phone rang. Zelda answered it. "Hello? **SAMUS**? Hey! Where are you?" Peach and Young Link stared at her, waiting. "In a phone booth? Surrounded by what?" Peach and Young Link leaned forward. "Fangirls? Merciful Nayru, how did you get into **that** situation!" Zelda's jaw dropped, and she squealed with delight. "You found Roy? And Fox? And Crazy? What were you...oh, I see. You were on the Subway until Crazy needed a bathroom break. When will you get-" The phone was yanked from Zelda's hands and hung up. "HEY!"

Mary Sue the Money Manager smiled sweetly. "Collect calls are so expensive, we really can't afford that right now." And with that, Mary Sue bounced out of the room.

Zelda slowly clenched and unclenched her hands. "That was a phone call from Samus. She had to have known that, what with her oh-so-perfect hearing." She said through gritted teeth. "She is up to no good..."

_Back in a Subway Station somewhere..._

Samus looked at the phone.

"Well?" Roy asked, lifting his head away from the glass. "Is help coming?"

"I don't think so. The phone was hung up."

"Crap."

"I'll try again."

_At the Smash Mansion...(again)_

Mary Sue picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?" She said sweetly. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." She hung up tyhe phone, smiled to herself, and walked away.

_Baaaaaaaaack at the Subway Station..._

"Help won't be coming guys." Samus was facing a puzzling puzzle. She had hit redial, and the person who picked up said it was a wrong number. There was probably trouble at the Mansion. _'No more Mr-I mean Miss, nice guy, erm, girl.'_ She checked her blaster. _'A nice little missile should do the trick.'_

"Okay guys, I don't care if you're afraid of fangirls. We are going to fight our way out.'

"Are you serious, we're seriously outnumbered and-" Samus turned with difficulty in the crowded booth, and glared at Marth.

"Consider it a multi-man melee." She smiled.

_Elsewhere...in that same Subway Station..._

"Umm...were we supposed to have turned left or right?"

Crazy Hand cackled evilly.

"Sorry, sorry, we'll get there soon...do you think you can hold it?"

Crazy Hand looked (?) at him, obviously confused.

"What?"

More of the confused-ness from Crazy Hand. A sudden, nasty thought struck Fox.

"Don't tell me..."

Crazy Hand tilted his head...self.

"You didn't."

Crazy Hand looked at him.

"...You did, didn't you?"

A nod.

"Holy crap...eugh...you don't need to...clean up, do you?"

A shake.

"Okay then. Let's try to get back to the others, then." Fox started to jog down a random hall, unsure of how to get back.

_In the other direction..._

The janitor walked down the hall. Then he stopped and looked down. "Ew..."

_**In the end of this chapter...**_

DWLoD: Yeah, I'll just leave off with that pleasant image. I have no idea why, I just have a weird sense of humor right now. It probably comes from my battle with severe writer's block, and a reevaluation of the direction this story is heading in. We have reached the end of thecloaked Leader-guy arc, now I have other plans...mwuahahahaahahahaaaaa...

**A/N:** For the most part...or maybe it's half the time...or a third of the time...anyways, some of the opinions of the characters aren't my opinions. I just give them those opinions because I feel like it.

Sometimes their opinons do reflect mine.

In case you couldn't tell, I don't like the DragonBall series.

Seriously, it's like the creator **wants** people to make fun of his show.

But, it may be frequently parodied because, like Yu-Gi-Oh, it is incredibly easy to make fun of. (As I said in the above line) :P If you watch either of those shows, or have been forced to watch some of it because a little brother is or used to be a fan, then you will most likely have noticed the stuff that is...well, awful. So if you like those shows (sweatdrop) let a girl who doesn't like them have a little fun, and don't flame me. Because flames are bad. And I am paranoid. Do not taunt the paranoid.

Well, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go to therapy. Buh-bye.


	11. Chapter 11: The End of a Journey and Pas...

Steve the Evil Tomato: (hops onto a stage) Ahem! DarkWarLordofDoomness, being a coward, has left me with the task of giving you all of her pathetic excuses/announcements. First, the excuses. (is holding list, despite lack of appendages with which to do so) Computer virus, file deletion after near-completion of chapter, crushed self-esteem, addiction to ice cream, stress, inspirational constipation, and...**communism**. Wow. And as for announcements...due to the anticipated release of a new Super Smash Brothers game when the new Nintendo system comes out, DWLoD will attempt to finish this story before the Revolution comes out. And then she wrote...ok, I can't read this. It's too illegible. I can make out "possibility of free online play" right there, and "w00t", but nothing else. So you can add "temporary fangirl insanity" to the list of excuses. Only scratch out the "temporary".

_**Disclaimer:** Do you honestly still believe that DarkWarLordofDoomness has anything worth suing for? Because if you do, I pity you. _

_**Chapter 11:Of A Journey's End and Pastagamy.**_

Samus had her cannon charged, and was ready to kick some serious rabid-fangirl butt in an all-out melee.

Marth was certain that he was going to die a horrible, rabid-fangirl-induced death. "Samus, if we get out of this alive," which he doubted,"Would you...would you..."

He took a deep steadying breath. "Would you go out with me?"

But Samus didn't hear Marth pour his soul into those words. For Fox and Crazy Hand had finally found their way back from the bathroom, and had unwittingly walked right into a large group of particularily rabid rabid fangirls. "NO!" she shouted at them, trying to warn them. Marth thought it was aimed at him.

Marth was heartbroken. REJECTION stamped itself into his soul in big, ugly, red letters. The same sort of letters that usually spell 'F' out on some paper you poured your heart and soul into, but that stupid teacher of yours doesn't recognize the genius of your story and tells you it "needs more work". Pure jealousy, I tell you! Oh, right, Marth. You want to know about **his** heartbreak, not mine. You couldn't care less about **my **suffering, nooooo...Okay, fine. Marth. Pain. Angst. Trauma. Pathetic sobbing. Happy now?

Anyways, so Samus, deaf to all but the little voice in her head screaming, "KILL THE FANGIRLS!", dramatically blasted the glass of the telephone booth, causing it to fly everywhere, and made a huge mess. I mean, think about it? Glass everywhere. Even though I dislike rabid fangirls, having found them to be very bad at making intelligent conversation, and even though this is all coming from my head, even I must feel sorry for those unfortunate fools who were wearing sandals. And the poor janitor. He has to clean up all the blood. Really, he's been getting the short shrift these past two chapters. I'll tell Steve to get him a donut.

Alas, I ramble. Back to Samus.

She jumped out of the phone booth, and proceeded to frantically kick the butt of the rabid fangirls around her. Roy joined in, but was sadly unable to continue fighting because he and a fangirl were engaged in a battle of tug-of-war over his sword.

And Marth...poor Marth. Poor, poor, poor Marth. But, after a bit, he was able to get over some of his suffering and actually be useful. As for Crazy Hand and Fox...they were ignored by the rabid fangirls. Well, they were until they joined in on the fight.

'Twas a fierce battle indeed. On one side, there were the various strengths of the Smashers. On the other, the rabitity of the paranephilia obsessed fangirls. It raged on for what seemed like eternity...

But was actually around five minutes long.

For five minutes later, the poor, overworked janitor came in. He was carrying a mop and an empty bucket. Out of pure spite, the fangirls decided to make his job more difficult and attacked him. Startled, he had no choice but to drop his bucket and begin a kung-fu style fight, using his mop as a weapon. In slow motion, he leaped into the air...and slapped the rabid fangirl in the face with the mop. Startled, insulted, and slightly nauseated after being slapped in the face with the wet end of a moldy, foul-smelling mop, she stumbled backwards. While she attempted to regain her balance, she accidentally kicked the bucket and sent it sailing through the air. It landed on the head of the long-suffering Marth.

Marth stumbled around, trying to remove the bucket. But, somehow, it was stuck. This made him get rather panicky, I mean, who knows what has been in that bucket? And here it was, touching his hair. It's enough to make anyone go _squick_ inside. In a last-ditch effort to calm himself, he began to take deep breaths. With the bucket over his head, it created a rather interesting effect. He sounded a bit like he was on a respirator. "Roy? A little help here?"

Roy, having finally reclaimed his sword, attempted to pull the bucket off. Now, Roy is no pansy, but that bucket was STUCK. If it was capable of sentience and speech, it would be calling Roy mean things and the saying, "Nyah nyah! Loser!"

Roy was unable to remove the bucket, but he is a smart cookie and had other ideas.

"Marth, do not move."

"Why not?"

Roy poked two holes into the bucket with his sword so that Marth could see. Marth freaked out for quite a bit afterwards, calling Roy insane and the like.

Remember kids: Sharp, pointy objects are fun, I mean, dangerous. You could poke out someone's eye. Which makes them extremely cool, I mean, bad. Very bad.

After a while, Marth felt better since he knew his eyes were still intact. Unfortunately, there were still problems.

1) He had a bucket on his head.

2) He suddenly didn't have his sword anymore.

3) The bucket on his head made him sound like he was on a respirator.

4) The two holes he was looking through really didn't offer much in the way of peripheral vision.

5) A rabid fangirl had his sword.

_'Wait..my sword! No!'_ Marth focused his mind, trying to call the sword to him. It shook in the fangirl's grip. He tried harder. A drop of sweat trickled down from his forehead.

The sword was yanked from the fangirl's grip and flew through the air towards Marth. He caught it, and reveled in his triumph. He had mastered the Force! From now on, he was no longer Marth...he was Marth Vader!

"Ohmigawd," said one rabid fangirl. "Who is that?" She did not recognize Marth, since he had a bucket on his head.

"Like, GASP! I think that is a Star Wars fan!"

"Ohmigawd, a cosplaying Star Wars fan!"

"Like, run away! Like, before someone dressed up as JarJarBinx shows up!"

The rabid fangirls fled in a massive stampede of pink and girlyness.

"That was easy." remarked Samus.

They boarded the Subway car, and sat down.

Several minutes passed.

"When will we get there?"

Samus looked at Fox. She then looked at Marth, who still had the bucket on his head. Her gaze turned to Roy, who was trying to persuade Crazy Hand to poke the foul-smelling bum a few seats down. "Not for a really, really, really long time, Fox. **CRAZY! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO LEAVE THE BUMS ALONE!"**

_Back at the mansion..._

"I love her kindness, her intelligence, her...vivaciousness!" Ganondorf gushed about Mary-Sue.

"Vivaciousness?" Mewtwo said, clearly unimpressed by Ganondorf's vocabulary. "Die. Die and come back as a more sentient being."

"You dare insult me?" Ganondorf roared. "I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!"

"Accepted." Mewtwo looked across the room, where Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff were. Pichu was playing a game on her GameBoySP. Pikachu was absorbed in making precise blueprints, and Jigglypuff was napping in an overstuff chair. "I choose you, Pikachu."

Pikachu glanced up, and then ignored him. Pichu looked up and saw that a battle was about to start. She dropped her GameBoySP and started jumping up and down, squealiing "Pichu!" and waving her little paws in a desparate attempt to get attention. Unfortunately, she was jumping up and down on the SP.

Mewtwo levitated Jigglypuff and sent her flying into the conveniently located battle area in the room.

"I've chosen my Pokemon."

Pichu sat down, her ears drooping dejectedly.

Jigglypuff, her nap interrupted, began to curse so explicitly that Pikachu actually stopped drawing his blueprints to cover Pichu's ears.

Ganondorf laughed. "My rattata will defeat Jigglypuff easily! I've had him for years!" He threatrically opened his Pokeball.

An assortment of bones fell out of it, and dissolved into dust as soon as they touched the floor.

"Oh...th-that's right, I forgot...Pokemon like food, don't they?"

Pichu, still unhappy over not being picked, recieved another unhappy shock. She had broken her SP. He wonderful SP was now in tons of pieces on the floor. She sunk into a deep depression for five minutes. Desolate, she wandered up to her room. What would she do now..? But then hope flooded through her when she saw a game catalogue on the floor. A Nintendo DS! She clipped out the add and brought it downstairs, and searched the house until she found Mary-Sue.

Smiling her very best, cutest little Pichu smile, Pichu held up the clipping.

"Oh, you want this?" Mary Sue leaned over and smiled at Pichu, looking like a benevolent angel.

Pichu nodded, ears flapping.

Mary Sue straightened, and the air around her seemed to be tinged red. "TOO BAD, you can't have it! SO SUFFER!" She began to laugh like a maniac.

Decidedly freaked out, Pichu ran. Once back in her room and safely away from the crazy lady, she examined the clipping. FIne then. If Mary Sue wouldn't let her buy it, she would buy it herself. She looked at the price.

$149.99

Pichu's mind raced. 150 dollars? Where would she get **that** amount?

In the kitchen (which was still in the process of being remodeled after the ant escapade), Peach was confronting Mario about Mary Sue.

"It's either me or her!"

Mary Sue chose this moment to walk in. She smiled sweetly. "What's going on?"

Peach whirled around and glared at her. "What going on? You're leaving, that's what! And if, for some reason," Peach glared at Mario,"Mario chooses you over me, then I'm leaving!" she spat.

Mary Sue's expression changed to one of woe. "It's such a shameyou're going toleave."

"Just what does that mean?"

By now, every Smasher, excluding Pichu, was in the kitchen watching this unfold. The guys in particular were watching with a certain air of despair. Mario, would of course, choose Mary Sue. They doubted that he would let them flirt with her then.

Peach and Mary Sue stood in front of the kitchen table, waiting for Mario to make his decision.

Mario looked at them both, and, as everyone watched with baited breath, walked forward.

Several stories up, Pichu held up a hammer. In front of her was her piggy bank, so beautiful, delicate, and shiny. Pichu prepared to strike.

"I-a choose..."

Pichu slammed down the hammer.

"Pasta!" He walked over to where a bowl of pasta sat on the table.

"WHAT?" Mary Sue and Peach shrieked in unision.

"I-a have-a always-a loved pasta a above all-a else, and now-" He knelt before the Italian cuisine and held out a diamond ring,"Pasta, will you a-marry me?"

A noodle fell out of the bowl and flopped onto the ring. Crying with happiness, Mario carried the pasta out to one of the cars, and they left for a wedding in Las Vegas.

Leaving everyone else dumb with shock.

Peach snapped out of the stupor first, and ran sobbing out of the kitchen. Mary Sue flipped her hair.

_'So one thing didn't go quite according to plan. No matter. I will have control of the Smashers either way.'_

Pink pieces of piggish porcelain flew everywhere. Pichu clawed through the remains of her piggy bank, seeking precious change. She counted her money, and her face fell and her ears drooped.

Less than 15 dollars.

Pichu rarely handled money, so this was a lot...But compared to a hundred and fifty, it was nothing.

Peach remained in her room, sobbing her eyes out. Various people had tried to comfort her, with various degrees of success.

Link, Zelda, Luigi, and Yoshi stood outside Peach's door.

"C'mon Peach, it's not that bad..."

"Yeah, I mean, sure, he chose a bowl of pasta over you," The wailing from behind Peach's door grew louder,"but it's not like he's actually going to marry it."

"Link..."

"What?"

"He IS going to marry a bowl of pasta." said Luigi.

"Holy crap."

"Yeah."

"Peach, everything's going to be fine!" Zelda said as soothingly as she could while yelling over the noise of Peach's wailing.

"Actually, Peach, you should be glad he left and all. I mean, seriously, that guy must be bonkers or something." Peach's crying died down a bit at this, and Link, emboldened, continued. "I mean, he loved **pasta** more than you..." Peach started to sob louder than ever at this. "Aw crap."

"Smooth."

Hours after they had all given up and gone to bed, Peach remained awake. The tears finally stopped, but her heart remained torn. Hiccoughing, she tried to figure out how exactly to express how she felt. She didn't know how she would, she just knew that she needed to. She dried her face, and a lonely thought occurred to her.

'_Poetry.'_

Peach took out a piece of paper, found a pen, and began to express her torment.

_"My soul is now dead._

_I don't like wheat bread._

_I knew a guy named Ed._

_I have hair on my head._

_I feel bad today._

_Today is a weekday._

_I have something to say._

_I don't eat hay."_

She paused and took at look at what she had written. Feeling proud of herself, she continued to write more.

_"I don't like to think._

_My favorite color is pink._

_Mario's socks stink."_

Peach stopped. What else rhymed with "think"?

_'This poetry stuff is harder than I thought it was.'_ She chewed on a nail, then wrote the final line of her poem.

"_My pen has ink."_

It was done. Peach had poured her soul into the piece of paper, and she felt so much better now that she thought that she should do this more often. With that, she went to sleep.

_Six hours later..._

A very tired Samus walked up the walkway to the front door. In the course of several days, she had traveled on foot over a very large distance, climbed up a mountain, had to deal with an emaciated midget that tried to kill her, wait in an endless line for allergy medicine, fight endless hordes of fangirls, and spent about a dozen hours riding the subway while trying to keep Crazy Hand from poking one of those sleeping bums that tend to populate subways, while answering/ignoring endless questions from Roy and Fox, and then she had to get that bucket off of Marth's head, and slap some sense into him because he kept going on about the Dark Side and how he was no longer Marth but Marth Vader. It had been a really, really long week.

Samus fought to keep her eyes open, and simply lifting her hand up to the door handle required a huge amount of will power. It was now that a thought occurred to her.

_'Why the hell didn't we take a car?'_ Since she lacked the ability to turn back time, she ignored the thought, and tried to open the door.

It was locked.

"...You have got to be kidding me."

The door was not kidding her. It was locked. Samus turned back to look at the others standing behind her. Crazy Hand floated low to the ground, and barely had enough energy to twitch more than once every two minutes. Marth was kissing the ground, grateful to finally get back so that he could finally have a shower. Roy was telling Fox that he'd be happy if he never even so much as saw another secret evil lair. Fox was pretending to listen while he was on the verge of falling asleep while standing.

"It's locked." stated Samus dully.

The others mumbled various noises of surprise, and waited.

"What?" she growled.

"Well, aren't you going to do something?"

"I have done enough in the past week to more than last me for a month. You do something for once."

Roy walked over to the door, and began to charge his sword.

Everyone in the mansion was jerked awake as a loud explosion sounded, and they all crowded downstairs to see what the heck that was. They were amazed to see Samus, Crazy Hand, Fox, Marth and Roy.

"We're back." announced Samus with all the enthusiasm of someone who has gotten very little sleep in the past few days.

"Wow!"

"You look like a wreck!"

"What happened?"

"Tell us everything!"

Samus fired a missile into the ceiling.

The Smashers fell silent.

"I am tired. I've spent the past few days constantly fighting rabid fangirls to keep them from killing Marth and Roy, standing in pharmacy lines, climbing mountains, and riding the subway while Crazy Hand harassed the local bums. I will tell you about what happened, but only after I get some sleep."

"Did you really-"

"The first person to interrupt my sleep, dies. Got that?"

"What about the second per-"

"He, or she, will also die. Good night." Samus trudged up the stairs.

Everyone else looked at eachother, and also went back to bed. Well, except Marth. He took a shower. Then he went to sleep. And Mary Sue. She stood in the darkness for a long time, trying to figure out how to best go about her evil, maniacal, horrible plan.

_In Las Vegas..._

"WOOO! In your face, slot machine!" Master Hand crowed as he gathered the tokens. He had won 200 of the shiny little things. So what if he had to spend about 400 before he won?

"Master-a Hand-a? A-what are you-a doing-a here?"

Master Hand froze. He definately knew that accent.

"Mario?"

"It's a-me!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm a married-a man-a now!"

"So, in the few days that I was gone, you and Peach finally got married."

"Um, a-no. I-a married-a Pasta!" Mario showed him the bowl of pasta. One of the noodles had a diamond ring on it.

"Isn't she-a beautiful-a!"

"I think it's time we left Las Vegas."

"What-a? Why?"

_'Because you seem to have gone insane, and chances are that if I don't return, the mansion will get blown up-if it hasn't already.' _he thought, but didn't stay. Instead, he said, "Because I've been gone too long."

"But Pasta and-a I-a haven't begun our-a honeymoon-a yet."

"You can go on one later."

"Okay-a, but I-a will leave only-a after we-a eat-a at this-a restaurant-a. It's-a five-a star."

So Mario, Pasta, and Master Hand ate at the five-star restaurant.

"Mario, how are you going to pay for this?"

"Oh, that'sa right, I didn't a-think about that-a."

_'Oh crap.'_ Master Hand floated out of his seat. "I think it's time we left."

"Sure-a. Are you-a ready, Pasta?...Pasta?" Mario saw the bowl Pasta had been in. It was empty. "NOO!"

Master Hand vaguely recalled eating pasta when Mario had gone to the bathroom. _'Whoops.'_

"You must have eaten it, um, her and didn't notice." A waiter came up and gave them the check. "I think it's time we left."

"Pasta..."

Some time later and a good distance away from the restaurant, Mario held a small funeral for Pasta. As the casket containing her bowl was buried, Mario broke down and began to sob. The priest read the eulogy.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and...you already know the rest. My time's up." The priest took off his robes. Underneath was an Elvis costume. He brushed his hair into a style that looked vaguely like that of Elvis'. "I'm supposed to make an appearance at someone's wedding."

Master Hand waited for a few minutes as Mario cried for his lost love, and then cleared his throat. "I feel your pain, Mario." Mario nodded, tears still streaming down his face. "Now can we get going?"

_**It's the end of the chapter now, if you didn't alreay know that.**_

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Now that was an eventful chapter.

Audience: (sees DarkWarLordofDoomness)

Audience Member: You will pay for your lousy updating record!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: EEP! Angry mob. Bad. Very bad. Um, bye! (runs)


	12. Deja Vu and No More MarySue!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Guess what? Tis the season of gift-giving! Yes, in July! You get a new chapter of Money management for SSBM, and I get a cold. Everyone wins! (sniffs, sneezes)

StevetheEvilTomato: Except you.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Unless I get reviews. nn Then I'll win, too. (Hint, hint: Reviews encourage updates!)

StevetheEvilTomato: Are you trying to bribe the readers with updates? O.o

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Maaaaaaaaaybe...

StevetheEvilTomato: They'll never fall for it. They're not stupid. How many reviews were you getting before you took that hiatus? Don't use bribery, use threats! They're more effective!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: ...Review! Or I will sneeze on you, and give you my filthy cold germs!

StevetheEvilTomato: Much better. Just, get away from me, I don't want your cold...

_Disclaimer I don't advise suing DarkWarLordofDoomness, because she doesn't own SuperSmashBrothers:Melee, or any of the characters. Those are the property of Nintendo. Well, except Mary-Sue. Only, she's sort of the embodiment of all that is evil, and a sort of parody of Mary-Sues in general, so she doesn't really count. But, anyways, no suing, or else DarKWarLordofDoomness will find you, and then sneeze on you, and pass on her cold and all of the nasal discomfort that comes with it. _

_**Chapter 12: Deja Vu and No More Mary-Sue**_

Master Hand wearily flopped out of the car. Hours and hours and hours of driving doth not a happy hand make.

Mario had already gone inside; Pasta was quickly forgotten as he tried to find Peach. Master Hand didn't anticipate a quiet evening. He was already trying to remember where his earplugs had gone, but then he remembered that he didn't exactly have ears. This left him pondering the impossibilities of his anatomy, but then he got bored with all the technical-science-ey stuff. That, and he really didn't care.

Plus, there was the matter of this "Fairy-Stew" he had heard Mario mention, once. Or maybe twice. And the name was probably not Fairy-Stew, but, as with his lack of appendages that might serve as ears, he didn't care. He just wanted to make sure that this Airy Boo person didn't want to be paid.

As he floated towards the door, free of the close confines of the door, his mind drifted to the inevetible job search that lay ahead. Starbucks hadn't taken to his sudden diappearence well.

_Flashback!_

_Master Hand put several coins in the payphone, and dialed Starbucks number. He might as well check to see if he was fired, or something. He had been gone a while, and his boss might not be too happy..._

_"Hello?"_

_"Master Hand!" Something in the backround crashed. "Where the heck have you been?"_

_"Um..." Somehow, telling his boss he'd been in Vegas while a disaster of some sort struck didn't seem like a good idea. "I was...visiting my dying Aunt Gertrude in...Iowa."_

_There were more crashes, and a lot of incoherent yelling. "I don't care about a dying aunt named Gertrude! We've got a crisis h-" _

_He was suddenly cut off when more screams and crashes erupted, and Master Hand barely heard someone shriek, "CAFFEINE! GIVE ME COFFEE!" _

_"Never! I'll never GIVE you coffee! You'll have to wait in long lines and pay ridiculous amounts of money like everyone else!" _

_"GIMME!"_

_"I said no! And Master Hand, you're fired!"_

_The phone disconnected. Master Hand looked at it, and got back in the car._

_Mario looked at him. "So-a, what a-did your boss-a say?"_

_"I think I'm fired."_

_End Flashback!_

Master Hand shook his head, or whatever might have served for a head, and entered the mansion. As he did so, he felt a definate, overpowering sense of deja vu.

Peach was chasing Mario, yelling something about how he had turned her heart into sliced bread. He considered sneaking past them, but then Peach stopped chasing Mario and started throwing things. Remembering that getting hit with things hurt, Master Hand decided that he should be a smart cookie and temporarily retreat outside. He floated over the porch for a minute, listening to the crashes, and noticing that the rose bushes had been replaced with azaleas.

Upstairs, Pikachu was having a few problems. Here he was, trying to figure out how to cheaply incorporate spinning buzzsaws of doom into an arena, and no one would give him peace and quiet with which to do so. He resolved to take his frustration out on the first living thing to cross his path.

Jigglypuff walked past him, humming.

"Piiiiiiiiiiiiii..."

"KA-CHOO!"

"Gesundheit." Master Hand muttered, waiting for the crashes inside to stop.

"Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuffff!" Jigglypuff fell into the azaleas. "Jigjig puff!" She cursed, and hopped to her feet. Still smoking slightly, she stormed inside the house after pausing to greet Master Hand with a cheery "Jiggly!"

Master Hand followed her inside, and promptly got clocked on the head with a clock. He quickly retreated outside, closing the door as he went out. he waited, expectantly.

It got very interesting. First Jigglypuff, then Kirby, were launched through two windows on the top floor. As the fell through the air, they exchanged punches and kicks, none of which landed because their arms and legs were too short. Eventually, the slowly falling puffballs landed in the azaleas, and began a high-pitched yelling match.

Ganondorf peeked outside from a window on the third floor. He looked down, saw Jigglypuff and Kirby, and screamed, "My azaleas!" Armed with gardening shears and a floppy yellow sunhat, he leaped out the window. For some reason, he expected there to be a shower of glass, but since he had jumped out of an open window, there was no dramatic glass-shattering involved. The mansion shook as he landed.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff looked at Kirby. They ran as fast as their stubby little legs would take them.

Pulling floral-print gardening gloves on over his huge hands, Ganondorf began the tiring and thankless work of tending to his azaleas.

If Master Hand had eyelids, or eyes for that matter, he would have blinked right then. Since he didn't, he just thought, '_To heck with it! Heck, I say!'_ and floated inside.

Mario was hiding behind a chair as Peach threw collectable Kaepora Gaebora figurines at him.

Fox seemed to be chasing Captain Falcon with an ant. Captain Falcon was screaming at a pitch so high that an opera singer would be jealous.

Mr. Game&Watch was fighting with Yoshi. Over what, I don't know, nor do I particularly care. Yoshi hit Mr. Game&Watch with an egg, and Mr. Game&Watch gave him a papercut, at which point Yoshi started shrieking because of the terrible sting.

It was chaos.

And then Crazy Hand bounded down the stairs, crashing into the wall occasionally because he was so excited that his twitching was beyond control.

And once Crazy Hand enters an already chaotic situation, it becomes more than chaotic. It becomes crazily chaotic.

Crazy Hand tackled Master Hand, who fell back into the last of the Kaepora Gaebora figurines. Jigglypuff and Kirby jumped over them, fighting in a slow-motion, Matrix-esque style. Pikachu ran after them, screaming profanity in his language.

All of the noise woke up Samus, and she also began shrieking profanity. And while she shrieked profanity, she was also firing her Chozo cannon at everyone and everything. Mewtwo just happened to be floating by, and decided to join in on the fun by firing shadow balls at random people. Donkey Kong, sitting in the partially-remodeled kitchen, ate a banana. He dropped the peel, wondering what was causing all of the noise in the other room. He walked forward, but slipped on the banana peel. His knees skinned, his rump sore, and feelings hurt, he began crying in great, shaky sobs. Dr. Mario sighed, and put a band-aid on each of DK's knees. DK sniffed, and said something Dr. Mario didn't quite catch.

"What did you say-a?"

"You need to kiss my boo-boo." DK whimpered.

"Excuse a-me?"

"Boo-boos no stop hurting if you no kiss them!"

"I'm not kissing your-a knee! Kiss-a it a-yourself-a, you a-stupid ape!"

This made DK mad.

Nana, Popo, Ness, and Young Link didn't hear Dr. Mario's screams, as they were heatedly arguing over whether China's growing economic power would negatively or positively affect Europe.

"SHUT UP!" Master Hand roared over everyone else.

Everyone shut up.

"You can kill eachother some other time, people. Now, where's this Hairy-Poo person I've heard about?"

Zelda, who had just come downstairs, snickered.

"It's Mary-Sue." Mary-Sue said, somewhat annoyed at Master Hand for calling her hair-covered excrement.

"Sure, right, whatever, I care. See, thing is, Gary-Stu," he looked around, oblivious to Mary-Sue's annoyed snort, "I left for about a week. Can't really specify, as time flies in Vegas. Anyways, I left, and came back to find everything out of order. Peach seems to have gone gothic..."

Peach, dressed in black and in the process of making another crappy poem, snorted.

"The kitchen seems to have been partially destroyed."

"We can explain..." Falco muttered. As he said this, what remained of the kitchen collapsed.

"Sure you can. Maybe you can also explain why no one is at work. Or why you're all at eachother's throats. Or why there's azaleas instead of rosebushes."

"Azaleas are pretty!" Ganondorf said, waving his gardening shears.

"Or why the kids there were discussing politics."

Everyone gasped, and gave Nana, Popo, Ness and Young Link disapproving glares.

"I find this unacceptable. SO..."

Everyone held their breath.

"Carey Drew, you're fired."

A lot of the guys cried, but Zelda and Peach cheered.

Mary-Sue was silent for a moment. Then she smiled. Her smile was evil, but still quite charming.

"Fine then. But as for my pay..."

Master Hand cursed.

"Trust me, you can't afford it. I checked your finances, I should know. So you'll have to pay me with the rights to your merchandise!"

"What!"

"You heard me! All of the videogames, the t-shirts, the shoes, the little action figures, the..." she went on for a while, "...even those stupid little trading cards that were popular for a while. All will belong to me!"

"You can't do that!"

"Oh? Can't I? You forget, I've got something you definately can't afford now. A **lawyer**."

They all gasped. Master Hand was about to introduce her to his finger lazers when...

"Hold on!" Mewtwo pointed to the tv. "You'll want to see the news!"

Fox squished the ant he was holding, and oblivious to it's dying screams, went to get the remote from where it always was.

It wasn't there!

"The remote's missing!"

"What!"

"You're kidding!"

"It can't be!"

Panicked, they all searched for it.

Mary-Sue sighed, and then found it. "I have magical, remote-finding powers. Some super-powerful, really famous and popular story character taught them to me." she told them, and turned on the tv.

The daily news was on.

"Convenient."

"...forecasts show that Tuesday will partially cloudy, then partially sunny, and then partially cloudy and sunny, with a small chance of rain at night..."

"You wanted us to see the weather?" Marth asked Mewtwo.

"Wait for it..." Mewtwo held a paw to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Wait for it..."

"Okay..."

"Wait for it..."

"Wait for it..."

_'Some psychic...'_

"I heard that, Bowser. Wait for it"

"...wait, wait, wait, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait...NOW!"

"And now for this breaking news!" Anchorwoman Barbie tilted her head and smiled at the camera. "The Starbucks riot gets out of control! We now go to our reporter on the field, Yore Mamae! He's gotten another story, despite everyone's doubts."

Yore's face appeared on the screen. "At least I passed elementary school, Barbie." He said, while coffee-deprived people ran around screaming and looting in the backround. "As you can see, it's chaos. An employee didn't show up for work, and the Starbucks was already understaffed and so service was slow and lines were long. More so than usual. Some people snapped and went crazy."

"Now, Yore, I thought people were tired if they didn't have caffeine."

"And you're stupid. Studies show that if you are really desperate for something, you can get enough energy to keep going for quite some time. But police warn that these people may be mentally unstable until they have ingested some caffeine. Think Barbie when she first gets to the news station in the morning."

The camera switched to Barbie; she had sprayed coffee all over her co-anchor.

"That's all that's of interest to us." Mewtwo said.

"Okay, why should we know about some caffeine riot?"

"Because," Metwo turned, dramatically raised a paw and pointed outside, "they're coming."

Everyone stared out the door, waiting for the riot to appear.

"It-it'll take a few minutes for them to get here. Just wait for it..."

"Ah crap." Marth said glumly. "And here I was hoping to sleep in."

Roy chuckled. "It's great to be home, isn't it?"

Samus, Falco, and Fox checked their weapons. Satisfied that they were indeed armed and dangerous, they soon took out a deck of cards and played Egyptian War. Those three soon forgot everyone else as they got very slap-happy.

Master Hand would have loved to raise an eyebrow at them, but instead he glared at Mary-Sue, and she calmly glared back. It was soon a glaring contest, which is similar to a staring contest, only with glaring. The first to turn away or blink would be the loser.

Pikachu went upstairs to work on his plans for a buzzsaw of doom. He already had the buzzsaw, he just needed to figure out the details. As he cursed in frustration, he realized what he was saying, and clamped a paw over his mouth. Reassured that Pichu had not heard the words he had spoken, he suddenly noticed that he had not seen Pichu all day. Shrugging it off, he turned his thoughts back to his work.

Outside and several streets away...

Pichu dragged a bag of newspapers down the street. It was hard work, because each of the newspapers was as big as she was, and a lot heavier. She removed one, and dragged it down the sidewalk and up to a porch, where she left it. Returning to the bag, she continued to walk down her paper route.

_'Think of the DS.'_ she thought, sweat dripping down her face. _'Focus on that...'_

Finally, after she dragged the bag about six feet, she sat down to rest. She was tired, and sweaty, and this was hard, dangit!

After a few minutes past, she thought she saw something a block or so away. Curious, she stood on top of a newspaper to get a better view. It was a group of people...and they seemed angry...

Should she run? They couldn't be angry at her, after all. She was a cute li'l Pichu. But, still, what if they were mean to her? That might ruin her day. And what about the newspapers?

They were close enough so that she could hear their voices. They were saying something about how they needed more coffee...

Pichu's mind was made up. Screw the newspapers, she was going home.

Pichu ran towards the mansion.

"Wait for it..."

"Dude, you've been saying that constantly for ten minutes. Shut up already."

Mewtwo telekinetically threw Falco into a wall. "Wait for it...they're almost here..."

Pichu ran in as soon as he said that. "Pipipichu pichu chu pi!" she yelled, jumping up and down while waving her arms.

"Eh?"

"The riot is here." Mewtwo said.

Samus took one look at the approaching riot. It was huge. '_A couple of well-aimed missiles might...'_

"You don't want to do that."

Samus turned and gave Mewtwo a LOOK. That cat-psychic thing was really getting on her nerves, what with his attitude and...psychicness. With the mind-reading. The horrifically accurate and annoying mind-reading.

"Tell me, why would I not want to blow something up?"

"They're humans. Humans who are not rabid and fangirly, but have instead been deprived of caffeine because of circumstances beyond their control."

"And then there's the little matter of the reporters being right behind them. Blowing people up is not something you want to be seen doing on television, unless you're in a movie."

"Okay then."

Master Hand and Mary-Sue still glared at eachother as panicked Smashers swarmed around them.

It was a tough battle. Master Hand felt his non-existent eyes water, but tried to ignore it. He must not blink. To blink would mean weakness. So he would not blink. It didn't occur to him that since he didn't have eyelids, or eyes for that matter, he couldn't blink. There was no way he could lose, but he didn't know that. So, in actuality, it wasn't a tough battle, just a long one, because Mary-Sue was good at this.

As rioting caffeine-a-holics tried to get inside ("You have coffee, don't you?") the Smashers had their hands full trying to do all of the stuff they should have done earlier.

Which is where the moral of this chapter lies. Don't procastinate, kiddies, lest you find yourself trying to fortify a house against a riot when the riot is right outside. Or something like that.

Marth, Roy and Link pushed a table up against the door, hoping to create a barrier between them and the riot. Young Link watched as they huffed and puffed and sweated trying to move the couch as well.

"Can't they come in through the back? Or the kitchen?" he asked.

As the horrifying thought struck them, they turned, to see the caffeine-deprived ones there.

"Caffeine!" one cried.

"Give us coffee!" shrieked another.

"And a decent dental plan!" yelled a guy with a picket sign that said _More money for our work, you jerk!_

Everyone looked at him.

He blinked.

"So...wait, this isn't the Teacher's United March for Decent Pay?"

They all shook their heads.

"We're coffee-deprived Starbucks customers rioting because of slow service."

"And we're celebrity-ish people who spent all of our money, and we can't get a break now. At all."

"Oh...well, I'll just get going then." And with that, the under-paid teacher left.

Everyone blinked.

"HAH!" Master Hand yelled triumphantly. "YOU BLINKED! I WON! YOU LOST! LOSER!"

"You did too. See, it said 'Everyone blinked.' That includes you, Smart One."

"..." Master Hand picked up Mary Sue, floated outside, and threw her as hard as he could.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Mary-Sue screamed prettily as she flew threw the sky like an angel from above.

"And before anyone asks, no, I have no clue why I did not do that earlier." Master Hand turned, and then saw the rioters for the first time. "Why are you here?"

"We want coffee." said one rioter sheepishly.

"There's a coffee store a block away from Starbucks that is cheaper and better. Go there."

Blinking uncertainly, they looked at Master Hand.

"But the coffee cups won't have the trendy logo."

"And you think we will? Shoo! Go! Now!"

The Starbucks rioters slowly walked out. Sighing, Master Hand picked up the classifieds. He needed to find a cheap way to repair the kitchen, there were new window panes that needed purchasing, the house was a mess, and he needed a job. He looked up, and noticed that the Smashers were staring at him. "What?"

"It's just...where the heck were you?"

"...Vegas. And why aren't you at work?"

"You were at Vegas? Why didn't you bring us?"

"If I remember correctly, you were dealing with an ant problem at the time. And why aren't you at work?"

"...Forgot."

"Sure."

Someone knocked on the barricaded door.

Sighing with frustration, Master Hand floated irritably across the room, picked up the table, threw it at Bowser because he was a stupid stupid-head, and opened the door.

"What?" For one, terrifying moment he thought it was Mary-Sue, back from the dead-I mean, air. But he quickly set that fear aside. This woman, while she was wearing one of those buisness suits Mary-Sue had liked, had a lot more wrinkles, and was no where near as pretty. Her hair also had this icky, permed look to it.

"I'm here representing the Melee School District. It has come to our attention that many of the minors in this household have not gone to a school in a while, so-"

Master Hand shut the door in her face. He didn't want to hear it right now. And school? Since when did fighters need _school_?

"We're going to have to ask that you send the minors listed here to the appropriate school in 48 hours." The District Representative climbed in through a window and held out an official-looking paper.

"You're kidding me."

"No, I'm not. And if you don't send them, you may be subject to a very big fine."

"..." Master Hand took the paper.

"Have a nice day." She left through the window.

"I don't need no school!" Popo yelled from upstairs. "I speak just great! And I can read!"

"Popo, you're holding the book upside-down."

"I knew that."

Master Hand floated there, listening to this. "Fox?"

"What?"

"Start hitting your head against the wall."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have one, and someone needs to hit their head against the wall right now."

"Why?"

"Because the scene calls for it, stupid!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm frustrated!"

"Why?"

"Because everything's messed up!"

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Why?"

Master Hand burned Fox's tail with his finger lazer. "Why? That's why! Now shut up!"

"Why?"

Master Hand gave up, decided that his pinky was now his head, and hit his pinky against the wall.

_**EnD oF tHe ChApTeR!**_

Muahaahaha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

Steve: Okay, now I'm scared.


End file.
